When hubby dies, it's okay to love again

When hubby dies, it’s ok to love again (Photo: iStock)

Pairing is not only human nature, several other animals of lesser intelligence understand there is need for warmth and company as we go through this life. Wolves are known for their strong pack bonds and loyalty. Beavers are one of the mammals known to mate a life time. Other animals that pair for life include black vulture and Gibbons. Being single is not easy but it is a new dynamic that has become hugely popular among humans.

Well, males have generally been known to form weak sexual bonds because they enjoy their freedom to mate randomly. Some biologists argue in favour of the careless nature of men, that males seek to enhance their chance of procreation because their chance at true fatherhood is based on high risk probabilistic mathematics.

They try to spread the risk by copulating with several partners to compensate for the absence any established system for verifying paternity. True, it makes some unsettling sense that as women, we will not pay attention to anyway, especially since generally we are reluctant to embrace the push for paternity test. Well, there are two types of authentic single women—widowed and those yet to be married. It’s hard to define the boundaries for the unmarried group because there is a blurred line defining those that delay marriage by choice and those that have been delayed by genuine factors.

But even in the face of extended opportunities for women to further their education and pursue corporate conquest, there has to be an age when a woman has to graduate from the school of unmarried to cross in to the zone of single by choice. To define that borderline is a bit controversial because amongst us are 48-year-olds who still dangle the tag of never married even as they step on their exhausted mammary glands heavily affected by years of gravitational pull and intense human abuse.

May be we should try to redefine who a girl is and extend it to 30 to be accommodative to those ladies who wish to nail a PhD first before accepting to settle down. The other faction is well defined and their plight is one that is recognized by the community at large. Obviously, the death of a man introduces an imbalance in the society by introducing a free woman who would automatically be looking to hitch some form of company. The bond thereof between the widow and the target male could take any shape and form. Such women are expected by the society to stay loyal to their homes, children and the departed fellow to carry on his legacy and dreams. It is understandable when they start forcing men with celebrations of birthdays in church that leave the celebrant feeling uneasy and ambushed. You see, women are subtle like that but we are seasoned hunters with proven success over the years.

When a lady Bishop makes a clean effort in the church space after she recently fell back to the dating market as a result of natural causes, it is only fair that as an association of women, we be supportive to our own. The owner of the tall birthday machine has to be talked in to the concept of sharing, caring and the spirit of support to allow a comrade to tap some warmth this July and beyond.

We can throw in a rider and state that the newcomer has to be respectful in how she uses the borrowed resources. You cannot borrow a car and drive it carelessly on rough terrain for the lengthy hours without consent of the owner. Occasionally, the owner can pop in to observe and monitor how the equipment is used in real-time.  

Being the instructor who understands the test vehicle well, the goat wife might choose to jump in and demonstrate a few skills touching on good practices of preservation. There could be a constitutional room that widows can be quasi mpango wa Kando. Actually, if the Gen-Z’s could take up this timely concern and incorporate among the agenda to present to the son of Sugoi, it would go a long way to address a critical gap in the society.

This generation of Kasmwel Mcoure has to also revolutionize the gender space and open up such delicate discussions such as demanding audience with the church to open up a clause in the Marriage Act to allow a slot for widows to join existing households. On the other hand, those of us that are single by choice may be subjected to some form of restraining constitutional measures to try and restrict them to hunt and pair only single available men. Perhaps, such simple ideas can become major turning points in how the society and church run.

The net effect of such an argument would encourage uptake of marriage among single women to single men and also lower the rates of divorce amongst married couple who have been massively disrupted by the hardened young who are unmarried in their midlife.