Bunge Chronicles: It's primitive to beat up scribes and Millie won't struggle to say it

It's primitive to beat up scribes and Millie won't struggle to say

Dear wahesh. I hear it's beat a journalist season. Seeing as I never tell falsehoods about you or your characters, I'm afraid I'm overqualified for what Kenyans call a perpendicular beating.

Still, I humbly implore that mnapozuru wengine, mnipite. That's assuming you will follow the example of the goons who assaulted two of my colleagues.

I wasn't born to fight. That I wasn't sired in the freedom-fighting era should hint as much. That I'm not a mhesh should prove that I'm not a fighter.

I can't promise to go easy on you and I'm not about to lie that you mean well for Kenyans.

Just find it within you to spare me, and other journos, the wrath of your goons.

That said, kindly allow me to do my usual stuff and gossip about what you have been up to this past week.

Fellow Kenyans, Episode 2 of lawmaker dropped on Friday.

And it was Suba North's Millie Odhiambo, more famous in my hood as Amilo Gesa Gesa, sharing her Bunge experience.

For fear that I'll be accused of succumbing to her charm, I won't mention how much she glowed or how infectious her smile was.

Amilo began with a tour of the Chamber, the battlefield that has tasted the blood of many a mhesh.

KJ showed us Bunge's door in the first episode. The producers, it seems, don't want to show it all in one episode.

Wonder where the next mhesh will take us.

Perhaps the hallowed lavatories where toilet paper is replaced by cash whenever some crook wants some damning report shot down. Allegedly.

Maybe they'll even offer a tour into their hearts after that. Rumour has it that they are colder than a bachelor's bed and darker than the ceiling of your high school kitchen.

Amilo's tour took us to where she usually sits, someplace that faces the speaker directly, which happens to be along Bunge's aisle. And it's for a good reason.

"To catch the speaker's eye," a beaming Amilo told the cameras, a lesson to aspiring wahesh on where they should probably sit.

I've heard Speaker Justin Muturi call out Amilo's name several times in Bunge, meaning the strategy works.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't need to jump up and down to catch the speaker's eye. I could be wrong.

Nothing in her 20-minute speech talk surprised me, save for her mentioning that wahesh don't earn much.

Yes, we are talking about the Sh1 million they earn every month. Kenyans, how about you elect me into Bunge. I wouldn't mind earning peanuts.

Better yet - wahesh, I'm back to you - you could lobby to have me nominated into the august House. Azimio... Kenya Kwanza... hello?