On the run: Kalonzo wakes up, jogging way to presidency

I’m not in the business of prophesying, so I’ll take no credit for accurately predicting, barely a fortnight ago, that Wiper leader Kalonzo Musyoka aka Melon’s ace card was to run for President, which he finally announced on Monday.

What we couldn’t predict was the manner of the execution of his plan, which sounds astounding, even by Wiper’s shifting measure. A friend of his, an obscure politician whose name I forget, came calling.

In a rare moment of inspiration and decisive action, Melon said he was going to ask his buddy to be his running mate. When the buddy said he was ready to hit the ground running, Melon clarified he wasn’t thinking of a jog; he was talking of running for the highest office in the land!

If you think this as casual, for a task as complex as statecraft, let’s concede that’s how genius works. A humdrum, ordinary visit leads to a lofty revelation. So, Melon wakes up one morning and decides he’s on the run!

Let’s pause for a moment and absorb the avalanche of information. When, pray, did Kalonzo get this idea that he’d run for president?

We know he had joined the Azimio coalition, even after he had publicly declared he would be a most foolish man to support Raila Odinga aka Baba, in his umpteenth quest for the presidency.

Instead, Melon said, with surprising confidence, that it was Tinga’s turn to support him, just this once, as he ran for high office.

Melon maintained this line of argument for most of the year. But given his roundabout way, he did not declare his candidature outright. What he made clear was that it was Baba’s turn to support his presidential quest.

When Baba announced his own quest, Melon dithered, haunted by the declarative pronouncement about his alleged folly and vow not to support Baba. But before we knew it, whimpers rose to the fore from the Melon camp: he was being coerced into supporting Baba, without divulging the forces behind the scheme.

And the pressure appeared persistent enough so that by nightfall, he changed tune and said he would support Baba without condition.

But since Melon is Melon, his memory appeared hazy; in a matter of days, he changed his mind and said a condition actually applied: he was willing to join Azimio if he offered to be Baba’s running mate. Only that he had joined Azimio already!

We understand the special difficulty that Melon has had to navigate. First off, it’s difficult enough being Melon. Then there were the words offered in a clear and decisive repudiation of Baba’s candidacy, but which now became a debilitating threshold, a re-enactment of his self-declared folly.

To be fair to Melon, only a fool doesn’t change his mind. But if the frequency of mental somersaults becomes too rapid for one to keep count, then it becomes too difficult to discern between strategy and sheer upumbavu.

By the same token, it was foolish of Melon to declare he wouldn’t submit to be interviewed by a panel on his suitability for running mate, yet still attend the interview. It was even more foolish to submit to the process in the first place, when no such thing happened in the past elections.

Now, Melon is in his element, torn between a Chief Minister’s post that Baba is dangling, and the imaginary runoff that will prop his stakes. Only one thing is for sure: Melon’s route to political oblivion, has taken root.