Why showing up matters in a child's life

Why showing up matters in a child's life (Photo: iStock) he assembly hall buzzed with anticipation-students fidgeting in their seats, teachers exchanging knowing glances, and parents waiting patiently in the back rows. Bernard Guantai, the youngest son of Sylvester and Lucia Guantai, adjusted his posture on the podium of St Paul's High School, Kivote, Embu. Bernard inhaled sharply, scanning the sea of expectant faces. Then, his gaze landed on them-his unwavering anchors. His father's steady nod, his mother's warm smile. Their presence wasn't loud or theatrical, but it was enough to bolster his confidence, to remind him that he was seen, valued and supported. The applause roared through the hall as Bernard finished his poetic showcase. But beyond the recognition and the victory, what stayed with him was the certainty that they had been there. His parents have always been there. Schools and educational institutions follow a predictable rhythm: sports days, prize-giving ceremonies and parent-teacher meetings. While some parents prioritise these occasions, others struggle, often buried under work deadlines and obligations. "Parental presence isn't about grand gestures or elaborate displays of affection," says child psychologist Dr Achieng Onyango. "It's about the small, consistent actions-a reassuring glance, the dedication to attend important milestones, and the silent reinforcement of support." Some parents, like retired engineer Sylvester, understand this deeply. As a father of three boys and a girl, he recalls never missing a school function. "It wasn't always easy, but I made it a priority," he says. "Presence is an investment in a child's emotional foundation." He explains that a father's presence in the lives of his children is never about grand gestures or lengthy speeches but rather in the small, ordinary moments-the steady hand that signs school finance documents without complaint, the commitment to show up, year after year, without fail," says Sylvester. Sylvester speaks of presence as both an obligation and a privilege. "From experience, I know that is a big boost to the child's better days in school, which could translate to better performance." Parental presence teaches more than accountability-it models resilience, discipline, and emotional security. Experts suggest that a child's ability to regulate emotions, navigate challenges, and develop self-confidence stems from having parents who show up. "Children learn structure and accountability when they witness consistency in their parents," Dr Onyango sayss. Presence also manifests in everyday interactions. Sylvester's household operated on unspoken rules-the availability of alcohol was not an invitation for indulgence but a lesson in moderation. Car keys weren't a symbol of unchecked freedom but a silent lesson in trust and responsibility. "It's these everyday moments that shape a child's worldview," says family coach Andrew Biriri. "When children see presence woven into daily life, it becomes a natural blueprint for adulthood. Presence is not just logistical. It is emotional, too, and it is the quiet reinforcement of security, the child knowing, without question, that their parent will stand in the crowd, waiting, watching, supporting," says the expert. Educational psychologist Dr Linet Mogusu explains that parental presence contributes to a child's ability to regulate emotions, develop confidence, and foster resilience. "A child learns structure and accountability when they see a parent model consistency," she says. Dr Moguso explains that modern parents face struggles and distractions. She says that while previous generations demonstrated presence through physical availability, today's parents are navigating a world of digital engagement. "Parents often become consumed by work and other commitments, sometimes at the cost of school visits, while in-person interactions may be replaced by virtual check-ins, while meaningful conversations risk being overshadowed by endless screen time," says the expert. How does a parent, consumed by obligations, still show up? Dr Onyango advises: Be predictable in support, whether physical or emotional, and let children know they can count on you. Celebrate milestones with your children-even the small ones. Balance independence and guidance-give children space but remain their steady anchor. She says the landscape of parenting has evolved. Where previous generations demonstrated presence through physical availability, today's parents are navigating a world of digital engagement. The trick is to ensure a meaningful connection isn't replaced by passive interactions. "Virtual check-ins can never replace true presence," says Dr Onyango. "A child doesn't just need to hear from their parent; they need to feel seen, heard, and understood." Years later, Sylvester's children look back on their childhood through the lens of presence. One remembers how their father never missed a school event; another reflects on the quiet discipline absorbed through observation. Their stories are testaments to the lasting impact of a parent's presence. Presence is never forgotten. It is not perfection, nor is it about doing everything. It is simply the commitment to be there, consistently, lovingly, and unwaveringly. "Presence isn't perfection," Dr Mogusu concludes. "It's not about doing everything, but about showing up consistently, lovingly, and unwaveringly." When children reflect on their upbringing, they may not recall the exact words spoken or the gifts given, but they will always remember who was there.

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