Bunge Chronicles: Zimbabwe MPs take lessons from Kenya’s waheshimiwa

Parliament in session [Reuters, Noor Khamis]

Five wahesh, in the company of other Bunge staff, left Harare and set off on a 2,000km journey to Nairobi to benchmark on “good practices”.

No, this is no joke.

Deputy Speaker Moses Cheboi introduced and welcomed them to Kenya on Thursday, as did Millie Odhiambo Mabona, who happens to be a shemeji of the Zimbabweans.

There was palpable giddiness inside the Suba North mhesh as soon as Bwana Cheboi announced that the guests were from the land of President Crocodile, who stomped her feet emphatically.

“It would be a travesty of justice if my in-laws would be here, and I don’t welcome them specially,” Millie announced, adding that such transgression could make her a candidate for divorce. Back to why the visiting wahesh are around. No, the Zimbabweans are not here to learn how to be MPs for life. Not when they witnessed first hand as Robert Mugabe strode into the history books for his enduring tenure in office.

“The delegation is in the country for a benchmarking visit to our Parliament specifically to share experiences and learn good practices,” said Bwana Cheboi.

Barely minutes after the deputy speaker introduced them, our MPs were already dishing out lessons on good practices. Their first lesson was on how to empty Bunge. After pretending to be serious about their job, mhesh after the other left the Chamber, a move that stalled the vote on the Sugar Bill.

To the visitors who must have wondered what was happening, most of our MPs only appear in Bunge to collect a sitting allowance. At the entrance of the Chamber is a scanner that checks attendance. The beauty is once you check in using your fingerprint you don’t have to get inside.

The second lesson was on how to be puppets of the Executive. Kikuyu’s Kimani Ichung’wa had requested answers from the Interior Ministry on circumstances surrounding the deportation of Harun Aydin in August.

He was unsatisfied with the response from the security committee and accused them of being in the pockets of the waziri for Interior, leading to an exchange that involved the committee’s chair Peter Mwathi and other wahesh.

As expected, the altercation brought out the sycophants inside the wahesh, another lesson to the Zimbabweans on how to suck up to authority. Ichung’wa’s assertion may or may not have been fair but it is no secret that our MPs are puppets of their masters.

If the visiting MPs stick around long enough, they will learn from the best on how to grow an appetite for public funds and perhaps know why our wahesh are called MPigs. Then they will be equipped with practices that could have them become multi-millionaires, sorry, multi-trillionaires, very soon.