How to thrive when your children leave home

Jayne

Experts say parenting is a journey of endless firsts. From the first cry, first step, first day of school—but perhaps the most difficult first comes when it’s time to let go. For Mary Wanjiru, a single mother of three, letting go was like releasing a part of herself. She vividly remembers the day her eldest son, Mwangi, boarded a matatu to Eldoret University.

“I never thought it would feel this way,” she admits, her voice tinged with a mix of pride and heartbreak. “The silence between us was deafening, but deep down, I knew my son was ready to fly.”

Having raised her children alone, Mary tried to ensure Mwangi grew into a responsible young man. She remembers the life lessons she instilled in him—from teaching him how to cook ugali to managing his own finances. But nothing could have prepared her for the emotional void his departure left behind.

“Mwangi has always been my rock,” Mary shares, her face lighting up with fondness. “When he left, I had to face the quiet—and myself. It wasn’t easy.”

Mary recalls her strategy for preparing Mwangi for independence. From teaching him life skills, like cooking ugali, to handling money, she worked hard to ensure he was ready to stand on his own.

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“I remind myself that his wings are strong because of me,” Mary added, her pride shining through.

With two more children at home, she’s now focused on continuing the parenting adventure.

She finds solace in small reminders of his presence, like the faint marks on the wall where he once measured his height. “He’s off to university now, and the house is quieter than ever,” she says, her smile bittersweet.

Even as she navigates this challenging phase, Mary chooses to focus on her two younger children, ensuring they, too are prepared for life’s journey. “I remind myself that his wings are strong because of me,” she adds.

For David and Lucy Mwangi, a couple from Nakuru, the experience of letting go was both a challenge and an opportunity. Their twin daughters, Nimu and Wambo, left home to start their careers in Nairobi, leaving an empty house behind.

“The house felt enormous—and empty,” Lucy says with a soft laugh. David adds, “We had spent so many years being parents that we forgot how to be just us.”

The silence was initially overwhelming, but the couple soon saw it as a chance to reconnect. They revived their tradition of evening walks, exploring Nakuru’s picturesque landscapes.

The couple’s story is a testament to the idea that letting go isn’t just about loss—it’s about rediscovery. By turning their focus back on each other, David and Lucy rediscovered their partnership amidst the quiet.

Similarly, Omari, a widower from Kitale, faced the bittersweet reality of letting go when his only daughter, Angela, secured a prestigious scholarship in Canada. For Omari, Angela was more than just his daughter—she was the last link to his late wife.

“When Angela left, it felt like losing my wife all over again,” Omari reflects, his voice heavy with emotion. He found solace in journaling, pouring his feelings onto the pages of a notebook. “Angela sends me updates—her first snowfall, her favourite dish. It’s not the same, but it helps,” he says with a smile.

Omari also leaned on his church community, where he found support from fellow parents facing similar transitions. During a church event, he met Truphena Achieng, a widow from Kisumu, who shared her own experience of letting go.

For Truphena, the moment her son landed a job abroad was not just about him leaving—it was a poignant reminder of everything she had already lost.

“Being widowed for over a decade meant I had grown used to his presence. When he left, it felt like I was losing another part of myself,” she says.

To fill the void, Truphena immersed herself in volunteer work, mentoring young girls in her community.

Truphena and Omari began collaborating on mentorship programs, finding comfort and fulfilment in supporting others. “It’s like we’re still parents, just in a different way,” Omari says with a warm smile.

Darius Ochieng, a family psychologist, explains that letting go is a natural and necessary part of parenting. “The goal of parenting is to raise independent adults. Letting go means you’ve done your job,” he reassures.

He says, it’s important for parents to view this phase as an opportunity for growth—for both themselves and their children.

“Rediscover who you are beyond being a parent,” he advises. He encourages parents to start fostering independence early, gradually preparing their children for life outside the nest.

Ochieng also emphasises the importance of open communication during this transition. “Stay connected, but respect their boundaries. Let them know you’re always there without overstepping,” he says.

The psychologist urges parents to reclaim their time, pursue hobbies, volunteer, or reconnect with old friends. “This is the beginning of a new chapter, not the end of the story,” he adds.

From fostering independence early to pursuing personal passions, Ochieng’ urges parents to embrace this new chapter with optimism and courage.

“As the sun sets on one chapter of parenting, a new dawn rises—full of growth, rediscovery, and love. Letting go is bittersweet, but it is also beautiful. It’s not goodbye; it’s see you later,” says the expert.