The Standard Group Plc is a
multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper
print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The
Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key
influence in matters of national and international interest.
First Lady Rachel Ruto and Netherlands Queen Máxima during a meeting at State House in Nairobi. Their Majesties King Willem-Alexander and Queen Máxima are on a 3-day State visit to Kenya. [PCS]
Being a woman is tough. But being a woman married to a public figure is a different kind of burden altogether. Whether it’s the First Lady, a pastor’s wife, or the spouse of a local celebrity, these women endure double the scrutiny that ordinary women face.
Last week, Kenya hosted Dutch royals King Willem-Alexander and Queen Máxima for a three-day state visit. It was a significant diplomatic engagement, yet if you ask the average Kenyan about it, they might struggle to recall any key takeaways. What they do remember, however, is how First Lady Mama Rachel Ruto presented herself.
Social media exploded with discussions dissecting her wardrobe. Self-proclaimed stylists spent days analysing her fashion choices. Others called for the firing of her stylist, assuming she has one. Then there were the armchair therapists, offering unsolicited psychological analyses of her perceived issues. Amid all this noise, one thing was glaringly absent: Empathy.
How many of us paused to put ourselves in her shoes (pun not intended), even for an hour? Very few. Even fewer have taken a moment to ask themselves what it truly means to occupy the space she does. While the ridicule has been relentless, grace is what should be overflowing.
When a man ascends to power, he does so with full knowledge of the sacrifices that comes with leadership. For most, it is the coveted result of years of ambition, planning, and preparation. The same cannot be said of the woman he marries. For many wives of public figures, the limelight is an ambush. Theirs is a journey of adaptation rather than choice. What was once a private life is thrust into public scrutiny where everyone feels entitled to an opinion. Overnight, personal dreams and aspirations are binned. Their identities are no longer their own as they are perceived as extensions of their husbands.
Theirs is a delicate balance. They must be warm yet dignified, engaging but not overbearing, fashionable yet not frivolous. They must exude grace even when provoked, be endlessly supportive, and remain free of flaws. A First Lady, we insist, cannot afford even one bad day in office. And yet, every woman knows that bad days are inevitable. Sometimes, you wake up and your life has a life of its own and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. But for these women, a single misstep is enough to spark a national debate for days.
Interestingly, the intense scrutiny faced by these women is rarely extended to men. Consider Michelle Obama. Her toned arms sparked more heated debates than her brilliance as an attorney, author, advocate and mother. Melania Trump, despite her efforts to revamp her public image, remains defined by her fashion and life choices rather than her initiatives. Closer home, former First Lady Margaret Kenyatta is often remembered for her calm demeanour more than for her remarkable work in championing maternal healthcare. Yet, the husbands of women in power remain largely free from the unrealistic standards imposed on the ladies. It is like society has given them a free pass to be imperfect. Of course, former Meru governor’s spouse who delighted and irked us in equal measure is an exception.
This is not to say that public figures should be above critique. I acknowledge a First Lady’s role, carries influence, and with that comes accountability. However, even as we seek perfection from these women who have to wake up each day to a role they did not apply for, let us go slow on outright ridicule. It is one thing to offer guidance; it is quite another to tear someone down.
The conversations will be wholesome if we acknowledge that they too are adjusting and trying to navigate a world that may be foreign to them. We will take a whole different angle in our criticism when we understand that for every woman who has been pulled into the public eye by the ambitions of her husband, there exists a story of overnight transition, untold sacrifice and immense struggles, to fit in.
It will do a lot of good if we start seeing them as individuals and not extensions of their spouses, simply trying to do and be their best every single day.
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The Standard Group Plc is a
multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper
print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The
Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key
influence in matters of national and international interest.
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