Ghosting someone is not cool

Ghosting someone is not cool (Photo: iStock)

Ladies, please gather around. It is time to discuss a phenomenon that has baffled scientists, relationship experts, and even the occasional astrologer: the Great Male Vanishing Act, also known as ghosting.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Ghosting? Has it come to this? Yes, it has. In a world where men can summon pizza at the click of a button and meticulously build entire fantasy football teams, they somehow can’t manage to muster the courage to send a simple, “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me” text. Instead, they vanish into thin air, like a magician who forgot to come back from behind the curtain. Cue the spooky music.

For those lucky souls who have never experienced this, let me explain. Ghosting is when a man you have been dating, texting, or occasionally tolerating suddenly disappears with no explanation, no warning, and definitely no follow-up. One day, you are making weekend plans and the next? Poof! he is gone.

The art of ghosting has been refined over the years, no doubt. Back in the day, a man who wanted out had to endure the uncomfortable “breakup conversation,” a torturous ritual where both parties pretended to care about each other’s feelings for at least five minutes before shaking hands like awkward colleagues parting ways after a failed Zoom meeting. But in today’s world of fast-paced communication, ghosting has become the silent, cowardly substitute. Why communicate when you can just disappear?

Ghosting usually begins with a slow fade. You are texting back and forth, life is good, and maybe you are even picturing a future with this guy, like, maybe he is the one, or at least, the one who won’t steal your Netflix password. Then, without warning, his replies start getting shorter. First, it is “Haha,” then it is “K,” and before you know it, you are left staring at three dots on your screen that never materialise into actual words.

At first, you might think, “Oh, he is just busy.” Sure, he is probably out there doing very important things, solving world hunger or running a marathon. (Spoiler again: He is not.) Then, hours turn into days, days into weeks, and suddenly, you realise you have been ghosted

Naturally, after the initial shock wears off, it is time for the inevitable over-analysis. Was it something you said or did? Was your last meme not funny enough? Did you underperform in bed?

In reality, there is no rhyme or reason to it. The ghoster is likely out there binge-watching a show, eating a sandwich, or, get this, ghosting someone else.

After enough time has passed, there comes the stage of semi-acceptance. You accept that he is probably not coming back, but also remain prepared for the classic Ghost Resurrection (more on that later). At this point, you have deleted his number, erased the texts, and maybe even staged a little pep talk with your girlfriends about how you “totally deserve better.” (You do, by the way.)

But just when you think you have got closure, here comes the Ghost Resurrection. Typically, this comes in the form of a cryptic text like “Hey, how have you been?” or “You up?” Translation: I have run out of people to ghost and I am circling back.

Let us not forget that ghosting requires an advanced set of escape skills. Men who ghost don’t just vanish from texts; they will avoid your social media, dodge mutual friends, and possibly even take a different route home from work to avoid accidentally bumping into you. In the world of ghosting, they are like ninjas in skinny jeans, dodging accountability at every turn.

And so, the mystery of the male vanishing act remains unsolved. Is it fear of confrontation or lack of emotional maturity? Or perhaps they’re simply unaware that being a ghost doesn’t make you “cool.” Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: the ghosting epidemic rages on, leaving women across the globe asking the same question—“Is my Wi-Fi down, or did he just disappear?”

Spoiler alert: It’s definitely him