Silencing the 'E' story perpetuates warped thinking that failure is bad

An E score. [iStockPhoto]

The story of the "A" students is loud. The "E" story is nowhere to be heard. It is not our kind of story. Let those in the "E" zone deal with it. The "Es" stand condemned. Today's world is about success stories. Failure is a private affair. Hustlers have only political value - to make those in power have a narrative. But the fake solidarity is not an accident - it is the way it is meant to be. Beyond the transactional value they are on their own. Our society has little patience with the struggling. All eyes on the podium finishers - all others remain invisible with stories not worth telling.

Increasingly, our society is disowning the struggling. Even the faithful are not being left behind! A chorus sang in churches repetitively chants "I'm a winner in the Lord." I heard of a pastor who only buries those who die of old age. According to the pastor, anyone who dies young dies prematurely and is therefore a loser and he does not bury losers. The coverage of the recent release of national exams is a winner's narrative. "E" scorers are nowhere to be heard. But the day they turn around their story and become winners, they will earn access to the microphone and the newspaper.

Silencing the "E" story entrenches the warped thinking that failure is bad. It enhances atychiphobia. Shaming failure forces people to show up in life waving banners of their success. They tell stories of their mastery, indispensability and marketability. We are they who never fail! This we know is a lie. The "E" zone hosts all of us at one point or other for different purposes and durations.

Individuals, institutions and nations must listen to their failures - attentively. Most failures have a public dimension. Relegating the consequences to a private affair amounts to a segmented acceptance of the one who fails. Errors evoke public flogging with whips of mockery. To laugh at those who fail exposes life illiteracy and ideological poverty. To avoid shaming, people conceal their failures, a form of vasoconstriction - call it "failureconstriction." Like the woman with the issue of blood, shaming coaches people to hide their weak side.

The irony is that a messed up society does not accept messed up stories! Even the government only tells of its successes - even if this means being a serial liar. Pastors do not wrong. They are "men and women of God" despite the godlessness on their trail. Companies must force a profitable position - cook up the figures till the poison is ready to serve to the auditors! We fire people at the slightest sign of slowness - "Slow learners not welcome here" reads the unwritten sign. A sign often spotted in hospital says "Liquids only." we hang one in our institutions reading "success only." A society that suffocates its stories of failure will soon choke from its self-ascribed strengths.

The "E" scoring student has to be their own nurse and in resolving the crisis of worth. The E-student need a shoulder to cry on but none is to be found. The shoulders are all taken - lifting high A-students and rocking them in front of TV Cameras! Parents invest all they have for an education to place their children on a path for a better life. They have to face more than the results - re-envisioning their children's future. In a strength-centered world the "E" emotions go unspoken.

The "E" is often dismissed as a reward of lack of seriousness. But this blanket judgment is wrong. Some E-scoring students worked hard, hoped hard and even prayed hard. Their parents parented hard and paid hard. The E- outcome is sure hard to relate with. They sink into an emotional crisis of whether to blame or embrace their children. The shame bottles the battle in their hearts - roller coaster chapters of shame in a book that no one wants to be seen reading lest they be spotted and associated with the E-tribe. Weakness is shamed. The result is that wit is faked, glory bought and strength stolen. A winner consciousness haunted by a failure consciousness.

The doorbell cannot be answered with a plain face. Even when it is a stranger knocking the way to the door must include a stop by the mirror, lest we be seen as we really are - make up free. We hate a part of ourselves and hide it. What we hide gets no blood - it rots and dies. The stench of rot wafts and fills our lungs, causing distress. Discomfort stirs sadness, making unhappiness a pandemic. We forget that without weakness strength would never be known. Even God's strength is made perfect in weakness.

While humans tip-toe around failure, the Messiah is attracted to it. He passes over the door of strength and enters the world - and our lives - through the door of our sin. Our rot is His door. This spells a critical order - mending precedes celebrating. Life flows from our flaws.

So, if an "E" student asked you "How do you see my future?" Do not roll your eyes. Do not raise your car window. Remember your own flaws - and start from there. Hold their hand. Look them in the eye and tell them these ten things:

• You are not an "E" person - you are a whole person who scored an "E" grade.
• "E" will be stuck in your certificate. But character will move your life more than any certificate can.
• The thinking that "A" is the only ticket to success and "E" a permanent sentence to failure is wrong. Life has more than one start-off block!
• "E" demons will try to commandeer your life with negative labels. They are just trying!
• There is a life-coloring "E"-built muscle that is only present in those who know steep failure.
• Expel all E-bashers from your circle. But do not expel yourself from A-scoring friends who want you in their circle.
• Acknowledge you will not access paper-based opportunities. Use the underdog status to your advantage by innovating away from the limelight.
• Lean on a positive spirituality. The Way is known to always make a way!
• The ultimate uniting place in life is joy. You can access joy through gate A,B, C, D and E!
• If "How to navigate life with an "E" grade" was an exam, you can ace it!

It sure looks dark from here. But the light out there is for everyone.