Forest Road incident a picture of endangered masculinity

Interior CS Fred Matiang'i on March 8, 2022 said the government would radically streamline the boda boda sector following the sexual assault of a female motorist in Nairobi. [Wilberforce Okwiri, Standard]

I watched with anger a viral video of men harassing a female motorist on Wangari Maathai Road.

My heart was saddened as I heard the woman’s desperate shriek and saw a battery of boda boda riders taking turns to sexually assault her.

This act was not only disgusting. It is also a crime and stern action must be taken against the perpetrators.

I commend the police for responding swiftly to the incident by arresting suspected culprits.

More needs to be done to educate society about sex and sexual harassment.

Arresting, charging and convicting them is one way of reminding sexual offenders that the arm of the law safeguards the rights of their victims.

This however does not solve the core problem in society.

The root problem is punctured masculinity. That the video went viral on the eve of International Women’s Day is sad in itself.

Men are protectors. Men are supposed to protect their wives, daughters, and sisters.

If men are seen attacking those they are to protect at a time they are supposed to be celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women, something must be wrong.

While the issues may be unrelated, I can’t help but ask myself; are men consciously or subconsciously becoming bitter about the strides being made by women?

The problem with society is not an empowered woman. The bigger problem is a man who has lost his identity and purpose.

A man who does not know who he really is and has no sense of his reason for being is a threat to society.

King Solomon, one of the wisest men in the Bible says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Society suffers when men lack vision.

Long before the invasion of the continent by European colonisers, Africans had their own civilization.

Different African cultures had their own ways of raising boys into men and girls into women.

In most traditional African societies boys were groomed to be fierce, courageous, strong and responsible.

Among the Maasai for example, adolescent boys were taken through rigorous exercises to usher them from childhood into adulthood.

The Enkipaata, Eunoto, and Olng’esherr were male rites of passage the community conducted to teach Morans about rituals, traditions and life skills.

Through the rites, young men were educated about their future role in the Maasai society.

They were first inducted into manhood after which they would then become young elders and finally senior elders.

The work was cut out for men in the Maasai community and in many African cultures.

Boys were taught who they were to be and what they were supposed to do when they became men.

Identity and purpose were not only defined clearly; they were also taught.

Things are startling contrasts in Kenyan society today when you think of it. At the heart of it is the breakdown of the family structure.

In traditional African societies, boys were mentored by their fathers and other elderly men while girls were taught by their mothers with other elderly women.

Today boys are raised by their mothers either due to tragedy, deadbeat fathers or sadly unconcerned fathers.

While today marks International Women’s Day, and it is fair to recognize the gains made by women in society, the truth is: We will never have a good society if the problem of masculinity is not addressed.

Many African societies were patriarchal and in some cases extremely predisposed against women but a lot has changed today.

More girls are taking up formal education and in many cases, they have been better than boys.

More women are rising in corporate ladders to become CEOs and senior managers of big companies.

As of September 1, 2021, there are 26 women serving as Heads of State and/or Government in 24 countries according to data from the United Nations.

The strides made by women globally are commendable and cannot be ignored. Things have changed and so have men.

Things have changed but the identity and purpose of a man shouldn’t have.

It is true that the girl child and women have been empowered. It is also true that nothing much has been done to the conventionally empowered boy child and masculinity is now endangered.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. It takes a man to raise a man.

Boys cannot become real men if they are not taught and mentored by men who have gone ahead of them. This is the root problem of society.

I have been on a mentorship program involving men for the last two years.

An observation I’ve made from my conversations with different men at various cadres in society is this, men who have been hurt, hurt others.

 A man who was raised by an abusive father is likely to physically assault their spouse. Boys who see their fathers beat their mothers at home are likely to be either timid or violent. Hurt people are likely to hurt others.

When I watched Wangari Maathai Road viral video I cringed in my seat.

I shrunk because I was sad. I was sad because I was not only seeing men attacking a defenceless woman but masculinity under attack.

Real men protect women; they don’t assault them. Real men provide for their families.

Real men are present dads, they invest time in bringing up their children mentoring other young boys and younger men. Real men stand up for social justice and take care of the environment.

Real men support women. As women thrive, masculinity is endangered.

The best way we can celebrate and support women is by being real men. Real men are good men and a good man is a good society. ?