How to catch a Magufuli

Kenya has sunk so low in the dark abyss of corruption that even a Magufuli on steroids cannot fix us.

We are a society that not only condones corruption but we revel in it. We have built national monuments to the most corrupt in our lot, canonised our greatest thieves and uncorked champagne bottles to toast complimentary hogwash to the steady and swift descent of our country into the stranglehold of filth.

The Jubilee government has adopted a casual cosmetic approach to addressing the vice. Despite their best efforts to conceal it, the opposition is the pot that now screams so loudly “you’re black!” The saddest thing is that were we to vote out every politician and bring in a new lot, we’d still end up in the same rut. If you don’t believe me consider this: In 2013, 75% of parliamentarians did not return to the house. Would you tell me that the current parliament is less corrupt than its predecessor?

The truth, ladies and gentlemen, is that the pond is poisoned. You can throw out all the tilapia from your fishing pail and go for some fresh catch and you’d still catch poisoned tilapia. We are so corrupt as a country and should not be surprised when the lid is lifted on scandals like NYS!

What has riled most Kenyans in our recent past is the way with which corruption goes unpunished. There was a lot of cheering during PLO Lumumba’s tenure as EACC boss when every news hour would have footage of panicky oversized policemen running hilariously from the anti-corruption officers after being caught with their hands in the cookie jar. We celebrated as PLO went zealously after the high and mighty in our land promising a relentless fight against graft. When the high and mighty ganged up to throw PLO out, there was not one of the single cheers that translated into a public protest at a decision that would ultimately prove very potent in cooling off the fire that he had kindled.

It must be very discouraging for people like PLO, and there are a few still, who go all out to rid their country of the debilitating cancer that is corruption. Imagine a policeman who refuses to take your bribe, even as you beg and brandish your crisp one thousand shilling notes in his face, he obstinately escorts you to the police station to charge you for your crimes. Imagine how thankless that job must feel as his corrupt colleagues taunt him,

“Unajifanya mzuri, uzuri wako umekufikisha wapi?”

He looks at himself and its true. In spite of his uzuri, he has no car- they each have two. He’s eating sukuma without tomatoes, they are feasting on nyama choma! His children are in public school being Sossioned, theirs are in private schools! It would be a little consolation if our society was wired to not only condemn his colleagues, but also to commend him.

The fact is, we can demonise and imprison all the high priests of corruption in this country, but as long as we do not encourage and motivate those who do the utmost to uphold virtue, we will only be mark timing. In dishing out the stick, we can win the battle, but it will be in dishing out the carrot that we will win the war!

We need to put in place an incentive system for rewarding those in our lot who act in a way that shows corruption the middle finger. We must institute a reward system, an honors roll if you will, for those men and women who do the unlikeliest of deeds- the right thing!

These men and women must be recognised and celebrated. From the tavern in the tiniest County to the pinnacle of the City, let the whole country know that this man or woman did their country proud. Let the President shake their hands and put medals on their necks. Let them get an interview on Prime Time and on Jeff Koinange Live. Let the newspapers make headlines of them. In any case, it will be no more attention than that we give to our thieves and rapists!

What this will teach the young generation coming up is that doing the right thing is not always a thankless job. It will have a positive reinforcement of the good behavior we want to see in our country. Let’s keep doing this, until one day we put our fishing rod into the pond and what do we catch- a Magufuli!