No one can meet everybody’s needs

By Anne Anjao-Eboi

Expectations. We are filled with them. Expectations may come from the outside, for instance from family members, church members and friends, but also from the inside; the internal expectations we puts on ourselves.

There are people who are so kind that they would do anything to meet people’s expectations. Take pastors and their wives. If they are not careful, they may experience burnout while trying to fulfill their congregations’ expectations.

Judy, a pastor’s wife, says: “I am expected to fully support my husband, so every Sunday, I am in church beside him. As if caring and supporting my husband in the church and taking care of my two children are not enough, I also serve in other areas behind the scenes.

“I firmly believe that my first and main ministry and role is to be a Godly daughter of the King, wife and mother to my husband and children. Anything outside of that should be considered secondary ministries that I would only engage in if the Lord leads me in that direction.

“Unfortunately, over time, I allowed expectations and murmurings to affect me. I began to take on more and more responsibilities that I didn’t need, and it felt as though the more I did, the worse I felt. I became weary and burnt out and before I knew it, I was overwhelmed.

“It was then that I realised that I had allowed my expectations and the expectations of others to affect me in such a way — that I was consumed by what others were thinking of me and, unfortunately, this had led me to feel as though I needed to prove myself.

“My husband and I are firm believers in Christ’s grace through faith and not by works, that no man should boast. So why did I struggle and go through all this? I had no choice but to step back and rest.

Have you ever felt that you were striving in the flesh? That the more you reached out your hand, the deeper the emptiness you experienced?

The Lord comforted me and spoke to my heart during that time, and helped me to realise that God never required me to do all these things and that I chose to take them on myself.”

What we need to realise is that no one has the capacity to meet everybody’s need. You cannot be the one visiting the sick every Sunday after church, visiting the prisons every Saturday, conducting Bible study every evening, and praying for hours for the whole world.

That is why Paul talks of different people being called to different ministries. Judy learned that if a young woman needed counselling, she did not have to create time to counsel her. Rather, she could refer the woman to the counselling department within the church.

In Christ, we do not need to prove ourselves; what we are required to do is live to please God with gratitude as a bondservant in love. We must remember that apart from God, we can do nothing.

Even as a pastor’s wife, you need to take time off and fly to Hawaii, or cuddle up in bed and read a book or watch a movie. God has millions of servants who are doing exactly what they have been called to do.