Christmas is that time of the year when the majority of urban dwellers plan to go home and celebrate with family and friends. As our loved ones make plans to come home for Christmas, let us remember that many people have faced challenges this year.
The holiday season can sometimes bring about emotional stress and trauma, but there are ways to navigate this period more smoothly. First, our families are not perfect, and it is never easy admitting that many people come from dysfunctional homes or toxic families. It is important that we create awareness on how best to engage with family members and avoid emotional trauma that can cause lasting harm to our loved ones.
Let us address the different dynamics we have in society and how we can intentionally engage and allow family enjoyment without feeling mentally and emotionally drained.
To parents who are looking forward to their children experiencing rural life, and those who book holidays for family groups, listen to children when they tell you they don’t want to hang out with a certain cousin or uncle.
Statistics show that a lot of abuse happens within the home environment and to persons well known to the victim. Be considerate with the sleeping arrangements and listen to your children’s concerns by observing how they engage with other family members.
During the festive season, a lot of us tend to take things easy and throw caution to the wind when we are around family members. Let us avoid minimising our children’s concerns, especially those centered around family members.
To those who had the courage to end or managed to walk out of an abusive relationship, you are still complete. It is okay to go back home, and it is also okay not to be all psyched up about this festive season. It is okay to choose to stay low key and spend the holidays on your own terms. Granted, the end of a relationship is still a loss. However, if you choose to go home and meet your relatives, let them hold space for you. Do not isolate yourself but participate in the family activities and laugh about your experience.
Let us also show kindness to those who are still stuck in toxic, dysfunctional relationships. It takes a lot of courage and a good support system to walk away and start afresh. This Christmas, avoid judging them.
Find out what they need, how they are coping and commit to being there for them regardless of the decisions they make. Show a lot of genuine love and care towards them, because they are also questioning their self-worth and afraid of the unknown. Affirm them and boost their esteem. Their internal conflict is worse than they will voice out. Hold space for them during the holidays and watch out for any trauma triggers.
To the co-parenting persons, how is the back-and-forth communication going? Who will have the children this Christmas or New Year? How do blended families feel when the former spouse is included in the holiday plans?
Such dynamics come with their unique set of challenges and uncomfortable emotions. Can we become intentional this Christmas and apply inclusive parenting? Can we allow an open discussion on how the children feel about the parents always making decisions on their behalf in the name of family tradition?
If we wish to model our children to be the kind of adults they wish to become, we should start by giving them a voice and allow them to make decisions. Let us avoid forced fun which only makes them resent the end-of-year holidays because of your disagreements and moving them around different homesteads like cheese pieces. Co-parenting has become common, and children are suffering since some parents will put up a fight to have them for family functions, showing them off like little trophies to family members.
Choose peace and show love. This is the time to put our differences aside and build amazing memories for the children.
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