When Church rises in battle for soul of the nation, wicked flounder

This is the state of the nation address that Prezzo Bill Ruto should have delivered Thursday.

Dear Kenyans, I honestly don’t know where to start. There are those in your midst who wish I just kept my peace, alleging I lose support every time I open my mouth to speak.

Part of this analogy is informed by the fake news that the truth and I cannot be used in the same sentence. But I will speak my truth—by responding to the last in a long line of attack— which came from the Church.

The reason for this is simple: The Church delivered a stinging rebuke by returning my donation, and blaming my government for what they call “a culture of lies.” Understandably, many Kenyans will see my speech as an extension of that endeavour.

Here’s the truth: the only reason the Church and others can hurl insults and get away with it, by and large, is thanks to my democratic credentials. That’s something Kenyans should be very proud of, as there are few places in this continent where a Head of State can be called a liar in broad daylight.

By the same token, allow me to turn my attention to the issues that the Church highlighted. They say Kenyans are overburdened by taxes. And that higher levels of taxation have not yielded a higher quality of life. And one of the projects singled out for censure is the Affordable Housing.

The complaint is that a decent percentage of incomes from employed Kenyans is being deducted to contribute to this kitty, which is to be used to build houses for Kenyans. The land also belongs to Kenyans.

So, if taxes from Kenyans are being used to construct houses on public land, then why should the units be sold to Kenyans, who have paid for the houses anyway? Well, in instances where private citizens put in their own money to construct houses or use public land as collateral to access credit from private financial institutions, those are many moving parts, and I haven’t fully concretised a response.

Similarly, I cannot rationally explain why taxes meant for Affordable Housing should go into Treasury bills, for example, earning an interest that’s paid by the same government that originated the cash. I concede my expertise is neither in finance, nor construction.

I’ll use the same reason to defer the question of SHIF and SHA and associated abbreviations connected to the new health insurance. I’ll be honest with you and admit that, even by my own standards, this was rushed. Consequently, I am looking for consultants who can help explain this to me, before I in turn explain it to Kenyans.

Regarding the other crises—ranging from the question of abductions to academics marching in the streets, to university students who missed out on admissions—those are too many things to ask of one individual!

I mean, people want to blame Ruto even when there is traffic on the roads, a policeman extorts a bribe, or the rains fail. Msinisumbue na kisirani yenu jameni! Many of these issues preceded my term in office, but I don’t hear any of the lamentations being directed at those who came before me. Instead, all I witness is jubilation when Prezzo Uhunye appears in public. Ask him some of these questions!

Let’s now address the elephant in the room: Adani. I know some in your midst say Kenya is a big crime scene, but my brother Raila Amollo Odinga aka Tinga declared Adani white as cotton. But now that Americans have spoken, I know other opinions matter more. I have revoked their contracts.

By stopping the Adani deals, which I also initiated, I should be applauded for saving Kenyans. I concede I have failed in communicating my successes to Kenyans. And my biggest success of the week is to provoke the Church to reclaim the soul of the nation, leading to the floundering of the wicked.