My wife was misdiagnosed with tonsillitis, it turned out to be throat cancer

Benda Kithaka, founder and executive director of Kilele Health Association.

Mental wellness

Apart from the outdoor activities, Kithaka organises virtual mental wellness coaching where those with challenges can talk to a professional.

"We want men to know what help is available but they have to show up. Unfortunately, our culture expects men to 'man up' or others will think they are weak. Yet by bottling up they may cause other problems," she says.

Peter Mbuga, founder of Heri Wellness Centre, a counselling and psychology centre in Nairobi says the country lacks support systems for men who, too, do not have intimate friendships.

"It is in our personalities. Most people do not know how to console those who are bereaved. I remember reaching out to a bereaved man but he did not respond as I expected," he says.

Mbuga, who also lost his wife in February after a road accident and had to go for counselling says grief is deep and few know how to handle it on a personal level.

"Many men are not ready to shed tears. Yet we do not know that grieving is a natural gift to help us cope and move on, otherwise, you will hold the tears in the heart for a long time. Men suppress the issue, even in the privacy of their rooms. Men are taught to be practical rather than emotional," says Mbuga.

He adds: "You must work it out, reminisce about it. Let go of bitterness, sometimes toward God. Men do not know how to help each other. It is just how we are socialised."

Socialised? "Yes, and this may not end any time soon," says Mbuga who gives an analogy about this conditioning.

"Men went out to 'hunt' while women were left behind and learnt to support each other. Men became quiet just like in a hunting party where silence is golden. Women learn to communicate, sometimes, even with their faces, like they do with their newborn babies. Men are still hustling, watching football, spending time with their drinking buddies before heading home where their grief and silence continue," says Mbuga.

And are such grieving men becoming easy targets by the opposite gender? Not necessarily, according to Mbuga.

"Women want a stable person and are not targeting these men out of malice. They feel that if a man was so dedicated to the woman he loved till the last minute, then it means he has admirable qualities. There are many good women out there looking for good men," he says.

And does he attend to men in his line of duty?

"No," he says. "I do not get many men coming for any counselling. Men must accept they are just human beings and need to get help either professionally or from a man they trust."