Yes, community is everything when one is grieving

This week’s column will be a little different in that I will reflect on how grief brings out the best in us, and why we should continuously invest in community and associated support systems.

Experiencing tragedy, such as the loss of a loved one, is painful beyond belief. However, tragedy also enables us to experience community at its best.

Family members who come together to push through the pain and sense of loss. Friends who stand by one in kind and in spirit.

Church members who go out of their way to provide comfort and commune in prayer. Experiencing tragedy exposes the best in people. 

People’s responses and willingness to commune with grieving families also partially reflect their views of the dearly departed. It is true that deep down people avoid saying ill of the departed.

However, it is also very hard to hide a sense of genuine outpouring of grief when the departed is someone that was kind and therefore deeply loved. 

All in all, experiencing grief teaches us that goodness begets goodness.

The goodness and grace of the dearly departed invokes the sense of obligation in everyone to come together to celebrate their life, console their family, and commit to honouring their legacy.

The goodness of the dearly departed’s family invites the help from relatives, friends and other community members.

And the goodness of everyone all around restores belief in humanity and reinforces the idea that we are stronger when we are united in community.

Stated differently, seeing and feeling the humanity of others when grieving reinforces our very own humanity – if only because it reminds us of life’s fickleness. 

How I wish that we were always this kind and generous with each other, and not only when we are grieving.

How I wish we lived our private and public lives in constant affirmation of each other’s humanity. 

This week’s column is different because today my beloved elder brother will be laid to rest. He was a good man. A devoted father and husband. A leader and a builder of community.

He worked hard. He was always open to learning. He has left a void that will never be filled.

The best that those of us left behind can do is celebrate his life and honour his legacy. We know he will always be with us in spirit. May his soul rest in peace. 

-The writer is a professor at Georgetown University