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Hi Chris,
When one of my relationships starts to go wrong, I never know whether to stay or leave. Either way, I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake and be full of regret later.
Can you give me some guidelines?
Can’t Decide
Chris says,
Hi, Can’t Decide!
Your worries are understandable, because ending a relationship takes a lot of thought, even early on. But there are three signs that you need to end a new relationship.
The first is abuse. If this happens to you, leave. Right. Right now. Even if your partner is remorseful. Even if he’s ‘only’ threatening, or ‘only’ emotionally abusive. Nothing you can do will stop the abuse. It’s not your fault, and if you stay, you could get hurt very badly.
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Leave if your partner has one of the ‘dramatic, emotional or unpredictable’ personality disorders. These people rarely seek help and instead blame everyone else for their behaviour. Especially you. They’re impulsive, lack empathy and take advantage of you. You’ll be idealised one minute and criticised the next. How do you know your BF has a personality disorder? You’re always walking on eggshells and the whole relationship feels weird. None of this is your fault. Just leave.
You should also leave if your partner is addicted to alcohol or anything else that’s hurting them or you. Addictions can be overcome, but even if your partner is willing to tackle the problem, it’s not the right time for you to be in a relationship with them.
There are, of course, many other reasons why relationships go wrong. And some relationships do come back from the brink. But don’t think twice about abuse, personality disorders or addictions.
It will still be hard to make the decision. You may feel confused and afraid of being alone. Or wonder if things are as serious as they seem. So if you have any doubts, talk to an experienced counsellor. They’ve seen these situations before and will know the signs within minutes. And very quickly you’ll have the answers to your questions. And you will know what to do.
All the best,
Chris
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