Finding love on a deadline

As the year hurtles to its inevitable end, a peculiar phenomenon is unfolding. Singles everywhere are embarking on an extraordinary race—not to meet work deadlines, not to crush fitness goals, but to do something far more audacious: find love. Not just any love, mind you, but a kind that can serve two urgent purposes—tick off the pesky "find a partner" resolution from their 2024 list and provide a respectable companion to dazzle their families this Christmas.

If you thought Black Friday stampedes were intense, try observing the emotional chaos of someone trying to lock down a soulmate before December 25th.

December has always carried a whiff of romance, with its twinkling lights and cozy vibes. But for singles, the season also comes with dread. There are only so many "Why are you still single?" interrogations one can endure at family gatherings before considering showing up with a photo of a supposed partner, saved as a phone wallpaper just to dodge the questions.

But not this year. This year, singles are saying, “Not today, Aunt Gladys!” Armed with dating apps, gym memberships, and blind date setups, they’re charging into the battlefield of romance with the vigour of a caffeinated marathoner.

"Love before the holidays" has its checklist, of course. Do they have a good smile? Check. Can they hold a conversation without quoting TikToks every three minutes? Check. Can they, with some strategic coaching, convincingly play the role of a loving partner at a family dinner? Check, check, and double-check. Whether they’re love-struck or just plain desperate is anyone’s guess.

One of the most popular justifications for this seasonal speed dating is the idea of starting the new year "right." For some, it's less about the magic of love and more about having someone to kiss under New Year’s fireworks without awkwardly holding a glass of champagne to avoid third-wheeling.

Social media hasn’t helped, either. People are scrolling through couple photos captioned "first Christmas together" or "matching ugly sweaters" and thinking, I, too, deserve love—or at least matching pyjamas.

But here’s where the plan gets dicey. Rushed relationships are like undercooked turkeys: they may look fine on the outside, but there’s a high chance of regret when you dig deeper.

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A whirlwind romance may seem like a festive miracle at first, but what about when the Christmas lights are down, and reality settles in like an overcooked fruitcake? There are dangers to rushing love that no amount of Christmas spirit can fix.

In the sprint to cuff someone, people often overlook glaring red flags. Compatibility takes time to unearth, and skipping steps can lead to unpleasant surprises.

Introducing someone new to your family during the holidays is like throwing a novice swimmer into shark-infested waters. The potential for disaster is astronomical. Will they laugh too hard at dad’s bad jokes? Will mum whisper, “This one looks shifty”? And let’s not even start on Uncle Wanjiku’s intrusive questions.

The holiday glow makes everything look prettier, but January is the ultimate buzzkill. That sparkly connection might not feel as magical when you’re stuck watching reruns of "The Office" together on a dreary Tuesday. Relationships built on a ticking clock often falter when the rush is over.

Rushing into something for the sake of ticking a box might mean ignoring your own emotional needs. And if things go south, you'll be back at square one, but now with extra heartache and fewer January resolutions left to pursue.

If you’ve tried and still haven’t found someone by mid-December, don’t despair. Learn to deflect family questions like a pro. “Why am I still single? Oh, I’m waiting for Elon Musk’s Mars colony to open up dating opportunities.”

And remember: the best relationships are marathons, not sprints. Love will come when it’s ready—and probably when you’re wearing your least flattering outfit, because that’s just how the universe works.

For those still set on finding "the one" before Santa comes to town, proceed with caution. Yes, it’s a jungle out there, but love can’t be microwaved. It’s a slow-cooked stew that tastes best when you let it simmer.

So, while others may hurry through their dating checklists, consider sitting this one out, sipping eggnog, and mastering the art of self-love instead. Or, you know, at least find someone who also hates pineapple on pizza.