Inventive police officers in Kaptagat unveil new abattoir providing prime cuts for inmates

I heard on the grapevine that officers at Kaptagat Police Station, in Elgeyo Marakwet County, have launched an abattoir producing high-quality beef for domestic market. They say hard times have sharpened their wits, pun intended, and found local solutions to local problems.

The surprising part is none of those officers had ever thought about it, and the light-bulb moment came about when a neighbour’s bull strayed into the police camp and mooed.

The word on the street is that the first officer to spot the bull wandered on and reportedly shouted: unajifanya ng’ombe ukamuliwe na nani? But the bull paid him no heed and went on with its fuss. That’s when the long knives were drawn to cut him down.

Even though the owners were not notified about their animals’ fate, the officers did not record the episodes as theft, as some of the meat from the animal was supplied to inmates held at the facility.

The rest of the meat was supplied to the local butchery under a special “stimulus” programme to provide affordable foods to communities in need. It is reported that barring the few pieces consumed to taste the quality of the meat— since public health officers were unaware of the new abattoir—the rest of the meat was cooked and offered to visitors to the police station.

A farmer who went to the police station to report her bull had gone missing was offered a plate of beef fry. She reportedly took one bite and wailed in protest, after discovering it was her missing bull.

“There is a manner in which the tender meat blabbered in my mouth, and I instantly knew this was my missing bull,” she said. “I looked up and saw its lifeless eyes staring back at me.” The head had been hung out to dry.

The officers reportedly belong to the special Anti-Stock Theft Unit, where they are trained to use words to coax animals to their slaughterhouse.