Hi Chris,
I’ve just found a new boyfriend and for the first time in my life I think he might be ‘the one’! So I find myself talking to him a lot more about myself. But this is new for me and I feel a bit insecure.
Should I tell him everything?
Chris says,
Hi, Should I Tell All?!
Marriage is all about trust, so if you think you’re heading in that direction, it’s best to be completely open with each other from the start. Anything less and you’ll be storing up trouble for the future.
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So be brave! Especially because it’s much better to find out about any showstoppers early on than after a few wasted months.
But too much disclosure, too early, can be a bit scary!
Nobody tells everything on the first date. And anyway, you need to be sure that your new boyfriend can keep secrets before you reveal anything too important. But if you wait too long, it’ll look like you’re holding back. So at first, don’t reveal anything too personal, but as soon as your friend does, share something similar about yourself. Maybe up the ante with something a little more intimate. Then, if things go well, you’ll both reveal a little more with each conversation. Neither of you will get too far ahead or behind.
Start with how you spend your time, your interests, likes and dislikes. Tell each other all about your backgrounds and families, including any skeletons in your closets! And your exes, of course. And children, if you have any.
This doesn’t mean revealing every last detail of every last fling, but mention anyone famous and anything particularly wild you’ve been up to, however long ago.
Gradually, as your relationship becomes more committed, you’ll feel the need to talk about things that need to be out in the open before you get married. Such as your finances and ambitions. Discuss any health problems. Talk about each other’s expectations of marriage. And you’ll gradually realise that you’re laying the foundations for a truly wonderful relationship.
All the best,
Chris