Our social lives and relationships are faced with a number of challenges; especially when a major decision is supposed to be made.
On Wednesday, January 5, (after our series took a break during the holidays) we published, on our Facebook page – Standard Digital – a relationship dilemma by a woman who met a new man, whom she feels more comfortable with, a month after her engagement.
Hi-Standard,
My name is Nancy. I am 37 years old.
I am financially stable and live and work in Nairobi. There’s this guy whom I met at a friend’s wedding a month ago. He likes me a lot. I think he is nice and very intelligent. He has a good job and earns a way better salary than mine. I’m beginning to like him. The problem, however, is that he is way younger than me. He is 31 years old. My friends are divided on whether I should date him or not. I’m confused. My heart wants to, but my mind tells me we’ll, most likely, fall out because of conflicts arising from the generational gap.
What should I do?
READER’S RESPONSES
Phyllis Njuru: Why do people worry about tomorrow, when it's not even guaranteed. Marry him, tomorrow will arrange itself.
Sarah Mwadime: Age isn't maturity… But this is infatuation not love according to your description
James Mwangi: A 37-year-old woman, single and living in Nairobi, more red flags than Mike Dean's Premier League record.
William Pauls There is a reason why God created a woman after a man. Let nobody deceive you that age is just a number. In marriage age is key.
Joy Juma: Go for your heart gal. Age is just a number. How many mature men out here are mere jokers????? Listen and listen keenly to your heart. I hardly consult other people in matters of love.
Sheila Kemunto: Think of a situation where his money is over and maybe he loses his job… will you still stick with him? if yes, then you can make a move.
Nelly Kimanzi: Your friends are divided on what you should do about yourself? Is he going to date your friends and are you even sure they are genuine friends? Find out that first. Now marrying a younger guy as a woman isn’t a problem if you're not going to have issues with him pocketing his rightful privileges as the man of the house.
Justine Bako: My friend that's an answered prayer besides he is not your brother and let what people say be background noise as long as the two of you are happy. enjoy the ride. Put yourself first, I am off to work.
Joseph Wambugu: Stay single. Raila Odinga is giving single mothers social protection funds if he wins.
Chef Hemedi Ali: I stopped reading when you mentioned "friends". What makes you think you have to run by your friends on who or what should make you happy.? Being a woman you know very well who your worst enemies are. You are already worried about tomorrow when you know nothing about it. you learn from a mistake you made yourself not that one that had a whole village deciding on. Talk to Esther Musila in private about how she did her thing, at least she is living proof of living and loving her younger partner.
EXPERT’S RESPONSE
Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi.
Hello Nancy, it is generally agreed that the human brain is the strongest organ we have. It is also said that we are what we think.
You may have heard the idea that the lioness is king not because she is the strongest one in the jungle but because she has an attitude.
A strong belief in herself. Our brains process both feelings and thoughts, and so if your feelings and thoughts conflict, the solution will still come from the mind.
There is good reason to pursue love no matter how long it lasts. It gives you happiness.
Conversely, it is good to beat the fear of what people say, and of the age difference as long as your and your new friend's ways of thinking are alike.
You may have heard of stable couples where the woman is much older, and the French first family is a good example that is public domain.
Although such relationships do not happen a lot in our part of the world, there is no reason to think that they cannot work.
Moving forward, you need to confirm your friend’s commitment by raising the issue with him and not with us.
If he can reciprocate your love as you say the case is now, then ease yourself and enjoy the love.
If you find your ways of thinking being apart, know it's something you can work on by finding ways of spending more quality time together. Give love a chance. You will lose nothing.