Is this the meaning of tough love?

We fall in love with the hopes that the person we love will transform into our ideal partner. To the extent that we cannot realize the signs of incompatibility. Even harder to notice and understand are the signs of a violent relationship.

 In the chilly June afternoon, Jonathan sat in his room quietly going through his WhatsApp messages. His friends had arranged a hike on Ngong hills as a boy’s only retreat and were collectively trying to persuade him to join them, as he had missed their previous adventures.

Jonathan was laid back and felt resigned to the whole idea, because he knew she would not buy the idea of him going to spend time alone with his' immoral drunks' as she referred to his friends. “Joan must really love me; only love can make her to always want me around" He thought despite the fact he felt suffocated in their relationship.

Jonathan missed his friends and the crazy bromance they shared since kindergarten; but he was never allowed by Joan to meet up with them; as she said boys left on their own would only indulge in promiscuity, gambling, irresponsibility; and alcoholism . Since then he decided to cohabit with her in one of the university hostels all in the name of love.

The only place he was allowed to go without asking for permission was class although she also kept a close eye on him there. Ever since they moved in together, like a vampire she had sucked the life, fun and esteem out of the once cheerful and courageous Jonathan.

His grades were doing fine as he opted to study than stay in the room with Joan most of the time. Besides, Joan brought her friends to the room most of the times prior to which she threatened to embarrass him in front of them if he stayed. One time he tried to resist and stay but she slapped him on the face so hard that he fell on the floor. To add salt to the injury, her friends laughed at him as he crawled out of the room .They did not show him any respect and he had to go through pains to avoid any encounter with them in class or in the school hall ways. He one time opted to get into the ladies washrooms than to have to meet face to face again with one of Joan's friend.

Things were not always bad, they still had sex; at first it was once in every two weeks but now since he started buying her expensive red wine on her demand he was doing it daily. She cooked for him sometimes and she got someone to clean their room daily under her strict supervision.

The rules that applied to Jonathan never applied to Joan. She was allowed to go home, to hang out with her friends and do whatever she liked, all because she was the self-appointed law maker in their relationship. She also claimed that this was tough love that would with stand all trials.

Jonathan put away his phone as he had gotten hungry and decided to go out and grab a bite before Joan came back. After he finished dressing he realized that his wallet was missing. He then decided to check how much he had in his M-Pesa account. He had no money. He knew his girlfriend of four months had taken all his money as she had done this before.

“Hey hubby," Joan said as she got into the room. She had definitely come from the hairdresser as she had a different Brazilian weave that reeked expensive hair spray, she had a box of a large pizza on her right hand and a shopping bag on her left hand.

“Hey sweetheart, I missed you " He said ecstatic that she had called her hubby and trying to hug her but she handed him the shopping bag for him to unpack the items and arrange in her closet. She sat down and started eating her pizza.

 Jonathan, in a reflex action provoked by his hunger, tried to pick a piece of pizza and got a slapped by Joan ruthlessly that his cheek shook and saliva dripped into the pizza.

“Men should fend for their women not the other way round”

“Joan did you use my school fees and my pocket money for your escapade this morning?” “Excuse me, stupid good for nothing, low life rat. It's OUR money!!!Whatever is yours is mine. At least I get to be compensated for you wasting my time with your so called sex that lasts for only three minutes. Damn you. Go and get me the remaining wine so that I can enjoy my pizza and shut up. Not another single word from your filthy mouth I want my wine now! Don't you know where to get it? Are you suddenly blind? "

Joan was literally roaring the entire hostel down. " You cannot continue doing this to me Joan I'm tired. I am fed up of being treated like crap”

He never sought help nor told anyone because apparently a man is supposed to deal with his problems. This story highlights an aspect of Gender Based Violence prevalent in the couples cohabiting in the university.

This story presents abuse practiced by ladies on young men. The presence of any of the elements of abuse in any relationship is against the rights of the person and can be enforced against the abuser. However, the main problem is that when it comes to men who are being abused financially and psychologically they never seek help and feel worthless at the hands of their abusers. I'm here as a voice among the million other voices telling you to break the silence and speak up.