Dilemma over bridesmaids

When Pippa outshone her sister Catherine Middleton at the Royal wedding, she broke the rules of engagement. NJOKI CHEGE provides guidance to brides to ensure their maids don't ruin their big day

It was the moment Twitter almost crashed — when Pippa Middleton stepped out of the limousine in an ivory, figure hugging designer satin dress, gracefully strutting her stuff in front of the entire world during the British Royal wedding. Everyone was tweeting how great she looked, how magnificent her dress was, how she stole the show…

There was nothing wrong with Pippa dressing up for the Royal wedding. The problem was, being the best maid to Catherine Middleton, she broke the cardinal rule: Never outdo the bride.

"Pippa Middleton," critics commented, "is a foxy bridesmaid who used the Royal wedding to advertise herself and her bum."

She got what she wanted — her behind has been a hot topic on the Internet since.

The colour of her dress itself was a grave mistake; she would have been confused for the bride. Then there were the curves and the hint of cleavage that attracted more attention than normal.

Pippa represents many bridesmaids who break the rules of engagement when it comes to weddings.

Catherine Middleton is not the only one who has had to deal with eyebrow-raising bridesmaids. Margaret King’ori had a rough time with her bridesmaids prior to her wedding in May 2008. She had to pay for the shoes and dresses of two of them who refused to foot their own bills.

"When they accepted to be my bridesmaids, they should have known that came with some costs. They only told me at the last minute that they had no money," says Margaret.

Take caution before selecting your bridesmaids. Choose those you know and trust, particularly when it comes to money. For the younger maids, ascertain that their parents are financially committed to buying the necessities for their daughters.

Margaret tells of yet another bridesmaid who was a source of negative energy rather than inspiration. Besides the negative comments about Margaret’s gown, this bridesmaid failed to attend most of the committee meetings, thereby failing to deliver on her part.

These are the kind of maids a bride should avoid at all costs. If they destructively criticise your colour scheme, choice of dress or any other thing about your wedding, then they have no business being part of it. It is your wedding and their opinions remain just that, opinions.

Critics

Anne Kagai was a disturbed woman during her wedding last year. Out of her six maids, there was one who seemed to move against the current. While Anne and the rest of the maids settled on the dress designs and the choice of hairstyle, this particular maid was against it all, considering their design archaic.

"I did not bring it up with my fiancÈe as she was his cousin. Conflict with my in-laws was the last thing on my mind," says Anne.

The real shocker came on the wedding day when this maid turned up with a mo-hawk — the half shaven/half weaved kind. Anne and her maids had agreed on the ‘beehive’ hairstyle. Anne had to be held down so as not to pounce on the maid.

Hailing from a conservative background where hairstyles like that are viewed with suspicion, Anne had a lot to explain to her curious and clearly bemused audience why one of her maids looked like she had just landed from the moon.

"However, I did not let her ruin my day, but I never invited her to the thanksgiving party we had after the wedding lest she pulled another stunt," says Anne.

Stubbornness

There are also those stubborn best maids who promise you they have a dress with the exact colour scheme of your wedding only to turn up with a totally different and disappointing dress.

To avoid embarrassment and headaches, be sure to inspect all the dresses, particularly of those who insist to have their own designs and tailors. The best solution is to ensure all dresses are made at the same shop and the hair done at one salon.

Maids who refuse to comply with the standard expectations of the entire bridal party should be treated with caution. Make them understand that this is not their wedding. And those who show any intentions of spoiling your day should be nipped in the bud months before the wedding.

If you suspect that you have on your hands a stubborn bridesmaid, it would be better to withdraw your request than have to put up with drama.

Bridesmaids who get drunk and unruly are a total no-no. If you know one of your maids is a wild, erratic girl, it is better not to include her in your line up.

Then there are those who give long, impromptu speeches (and songs) during the evening party — avoid them.

Apart from the best maid whose role is to take care of the bride, ensure each maid is specifically assigned a role and held accountable for it. That way, no confusion will ensue.