Here comes the pregnant bride

By Kenan Miruka

In the traditional marriage setup, the man comes, then the wedding, then the baby.

But what happens when the baby comes before the vows?

Apparently, walking down the aisle as a pregnant bride these days carries with it less stigma than it did in the past.

Today, couples faced with a pregnancy before their wedding have many options including eloping, having a traditional wedding or just going on with the formal wedding plans.

George Oselu, a forest assistant with Kenya Power and Lighting Company went ahead and wedded his girlfriend, Josephine Oneya, three months ago although she was five months pregnant at the time.

"We did not plan for the baby or the wedding but due to uncertainties and the fact that Josephine’s mother, a pastor in Kakamega, insisted on it, we had to tie the knot officially," narrates Oselu.

He adds: "We considered postponing the wedding but decided to get done with it. I informed my parents about the pregnancy, but Josephine’s mother was kept in the dark. I think she suspected something was up considering how we pushed and hurried the wedding plans."

Oselu says he informed his close friends who supported and encouraged him.

The couple, however, had to limit the wedding budget well aware of the financial implications of the coming baby.

The bride chose a gown that concealed the pregnancy and the wedding went on smoothly.

"Our honeymoon was not long owing to the fact that both of us had jobs to go back to. We took a week off. Expenditure during the honeymoon was minimised as we could not afford to be extravagant or have fun and forget the baby," adds Oselu who works in Eldoret.

Though the wedding passed off as successful, Oselu is rueful and, with the benefit of hindsight, thinks they should have postponed it.

Hiding

"It is not a good experience. You can’t hide forever as friends and relatives who know of your wedding date count back months from when the baby comes and stigmatise you. It is good to postpone it. It worked against us as we had to hide," Oselu observes.

His mother-in-law came to know about the pregnancy later and it was difficult explaining to her what transpired.

"I feel it portrays me as somebody who is not straightforward. It is good to tell the truth to both families," advises Oselu.

Edna Mugoya, a clerk in Eldoret who wedded a year ago, says pregnancy should not impede a wedding.

"If the pregnancy belongs to your husband, I don’t see any problem with proceeding with wedding plans so long as he is the right man. Only the first trimester is problematic but after that the wedding and honeymoon can go on smoothly," Edna says.

She notes that pregnancy before the wedding is common but often kept discreet. However, she urges couples to be truthful and to inform their parents.

"If your love that person, tell them the truth so they take responsibility," she urges.

Lilian Oloo, a teacher in Siaya, says she would not mind wedding while expecting a baby so long as the pregnancy was not showing.

"If the pregnancy is big, it does not give a good picture as people are supposed to be celibate until they tie the knot," Lillian says.

Winnie Ateka, a Mombasa-based psychology graduate, advocates for postponement of the wedding if the bride is expectant.

"It is not right. My conscience won’t allow me. Besides, people are keen to count months after the wedding and they can fill in the blanks. I’d rather postpone the wedding; and anyway, in our church, a pregnant bride risks being excommunicated," Winnie says.

No hurry

Magdalene Kasuku, a presenter with a local radio station, says she had to postpone her wedding as she is expecting a baby.

"I am not in a hurry. We will have the wedding next year after the baby comes. I take things as they come; it is about being real and not thinking about what other people will say," Magdalene argues.

She adds that marriage is not a one day tour where you leave in the morning and you are back by evening.

"You need a sober mind. I would rather postpone the wedding until I am ready. It is not good to wed due to pressure," says she.

Carol Kinanga, a graphic designer in Nairobi, wedded last year, four years after delivering her first-born son.

Due to the strict SDA church rules, she had to be re-baptised after delivery to be accepted back into the church.

"Some churches are very strict and for this reason, most couples hide their pregnancy during the wedding. People try to cover up the pregnancy but in our society, people will cook up stories. Pregnancy should not be a hindrance to a wedding," Carol says.

Father Raphael Wanjau of Tabaka Mission, a marriage counsellor, says cases of pregnant brides are rare but not a hindrance to the marriage ceremony.

"It is not an obstacle as such. We have couples who marry in church after getting children together so I don’t see any problem with it. Couples should, however, be truthful to each other and to those around them," advises the priest.