Is respect the only thing a man needs from his woman?

"Love is not so important to men, the most important thing a man needs from his woman is respect" many say this; many have made it appear that love is for women and respect is for men but respect and love knows no gender. Women need respect just like men, and men need love just like women.

Respect is earned and it's often position based. A woman can respect her boss, she can respect her president or even a policeman in uniform without loving the person in that position. You don't have to be in love with someone to respect them. You can look at someone in high regard because of their position or because the society asks you to respect the person based on the position the person holds. Respect is good, but love is higher and greater than respect. You can respect someone and not love them, but you cannot love someone and not respect them.

There are women who keep quiet when their husbands speak because they are trying to show respect; yet she feels silenced. There are women who let their men have their way in the name of respect; but she feels inferior to him. There are women who serve their husbands, cook for him, remove his coat when he comes home, catering to him out of respect; but inside she feels like a slave, a servant and he feels respected. Far too many women lower themselves in order to show the man respect. If the man deserves respect, the woman does too; if he wants respect he must respect her too. When you love someone, you listen to each other, you build each other, you please each other without suppressing each other.

Respect doesn't forgive, but love does. Respect doesn't share, but love does. Respect doesn't sit down and ask how you really are, but love does. Respect doesn't make you need someone, but love does. You can respect someone and never laugh with them, but love makes two people naked and unashamed, happy together. You can be respected at home but not feel warm and loved at home. Love goes beyond the position and gets to the person, she does anything for him; not because of his position as her man/husband but because she loves him.

Some argue with the Bible verse that says "Husbands, love your wives"... "Wives, respect your husband".. Have you cared to ask yourself perhaps the respect mentioned is simply because of his function, honouring the husband because of the function of order. God is a God of order, the man is the head in a union of two who are one, not because he is superior, but because of order and accountability; but in that order, love each other as husband and wife. Isn't the greatest commandment Love and not Respect? The Bible says Love never fails, not Respect never fails.

Love is not a feminine thing, love is a human thing. The belief that men don't have or value their emotions has put pressure on men. Men under pressure end up making mistakes; some become unfaithful because they are respected at home but outside is a woman who loves him, who let's him be him, who he can emotionally lean on. Men may not accept it, but they need love. They need to be forgiven, they need to be cared for, they need to be held, affirmed, praised, listened to. They love being told "I love you" by the woman they love and they notice and get concerned when she stops saying it and showing love.

Men are not always on the right, they are not these high and mighty kings demanding blind respect from women; they are human beings with a heart to love and be loved. Past that masculine exterior is a loving man.

We are made in God's image, even God loves being loved, God wants more than our respect, God wants our love. If God loves being loved, who is man to say love is not that important to him? If God is not shy to say "I love you", man will delight in saying "I love you" if he puts his macho ego aside. The number one reason keeping men from enjoying their relationship/marriage is refusing to accept that they need love, it\'s refusing to let in their women to their inner man telling her "love me, I need you".

Gentleman, be vulnerable with her and you will witness the power of love. Too many women long to love their men but the men choose to be unlovable.

A wise woman does more than respect her man, she loves him; a wise man, because he loves his woman, he respects her.

Akello Oliech, thank you for loving me. I need your love.

© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech
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