Kenyan men’s love for pubs, barmaids and dislike for home, wives

There are men who, even over the weekends, are permanent fixtures at their local bars and never in their houses, especially when their wives are home

Girls, besides beer, ever wondered why men like hanging around the bar; a smoky place characterised by loud music, expensive drinks and, at time, brawls? Well, we have news for you. Apparently, according to most bar patrons CrazyMonday spoke to, the bar environment, however ‘rowdy’, they argue, is way friendlier and much better than their homes, especially when wives are around!

Reportedly, most women have made the home environment inhospitable and unfriendly to men. Men say that when it’s not turned into a gossip hub for neighbourhood house wives and house helps, it’s playing host to chama women or church people.

Most men, including some who don’t drink, patronise the bar, leaving many women to wonder why they dislike their homes, where there is awesome ambiance, great food at no cost, among others.

First, forget the good music; men own better music systems and music collections at home. Besides it being a place where men, especially gangsters, go to get jobs and deals, men frequent the bar because of two main reasons: convenience and barmaids. Ladies, minds out of the gutter please; half the time, this has nothing to do with getting laid, most men have confessed.

Men who ‘live’ in the bar

There are men who, even over the weekends, are permanent fixtures at their local bars and never in their houses, especially when their wives are home.

Take Ken Sagide, a city resident, for instance. He says, for a very long time, over the weekends, his local serves as his physical address.

“To find me, especially over the weekends, the last place you will find me is at my house. You better look for me at my local pub. I even host most of my guests there. Reason being, at home, my wife can at times be very judgmental.

She hates some of my friends, and how long they hang around can also be a bit of a problem. For the sake of peace, and to avoid eating into family time, I prefer meeting them at my local,” say Mr Sagide. “Never mind that she can host chama women there for an entire afternoon, but I never complain,” he adds.

Married favourite barmaid

Men, no matter their social status, just can’t enough of barmaids. Abroad, A-list celebrities have cheated on their A-list celebrity wives with barmaids and waitresses. Celebrity golfer Tiger Woods and actor George Clooney are perfect examples.

Tales have been told of men who have divorced or separated with their wives and married their favourite barmaids and waitresses. The pub environment seems so alluring to men, so much so that they can’t resist it.

Besides other trappings, to most men, the bar is a therapy club of sorts, courtesy of the waitresses.

When it comes to treating men properly, all barmaids seem to have gone through same postgraduate centre of excellence. It’s amazing how men pour their hearts out to barmaids, explaining to them their bad experiences with wives at home.

Ephraim Waititu, a resident of Nairobi, enjoys his beer and bar environment and doesn’t mind a dirty joke either. When asked, besides the beer, why he likes hanging out at the bar, he claims that he is more at home in the bar than in his house. Reason? His nagging wife!

“When I get to my house, I feel like I’ve been condemned to a prison of sorts. How happy or sad I will be, depends on how my wife’s day was. At times, even how I knock on the door is a big deal.

My wife picks quarrels at the slightest provocation. She is such an irritant; always either sneering and sulking or yapping and nagging to no end. But at the bar, the moment I walk through that door, the barmaids welcome me with seductive, inviting smiles,” he says.

Wives always sulking

He goes on to add that unlike at his house, where the moment his wife arrives he sees trouble (a sulking or sneering woman spoiling for verbal combat, questions, and what not), at the bar, when the waitress shows up at his table, voila, good things appear!

“Unlike home, at the bar, the moment the barmaid arrives at my table, good things show up; a sexy and smiling woman (the waitress), the table is cleaned, menu presented, food and booze appears and then booze, and more booze,” jokes Waititu, adding: “Ever wondered why men always compliment barmaids; something they stopped doing to their wives long ago?”

No pressure to speak

If you imagined Waititu is nuts and a special case, think again. He is in great company. Titus Anguyo says the bar environment offers a lot to stir his heart. He says that at the bar, he doesn’t have to talk because he has the option of “just being there” and getting away with it.

“The beauty about the bar, unlike home, is that there is never the pressure to talk. At home, it’s very easy to annoy my wife. For instance, she gets upset when I don’t talk, and when I do, each and every word I utter is scrutinised.

At the bar, I can sit easy, listen to others talk and only giggle or nod my head like those wise Mogotio goats in agreement or disagreement,” he says, adding that bartenders are expert conversationalists.

“Those women have a way of making men open up, and are ever ready to listen.”

Kate Njambi, a barmaid in Kasarani, Nairobi and a mother of three, says she has worked in bars for close to 20 years and understands how men think. She says men are very simple creatures to understand and doesn’t understand why most women don’t seem to get it.

Barmaids massage men’s egos

“Men have big egos and they need to be constantly massaged. They like us because we tend to be lowly, never try to challenge them. We study them a lot. For instance, in January, most tend to be broke, thus moody.

But do you know that we, unlike their wives, still manage to get money from them in form of tips and handouts?” poses Njambi, adding that they can always tell a broke man from a distance and know how to handle or ask him for money.

“We can tell who is stressed and who is mistreated at home by their wife. We even know gangsters who come to drink here. And we have mastered the art of dealing with such,” she adds.

Great conversationalists

Yet another older barmaid who only identifies herself as Anne says, contrary to popular belief that barmaids are unprincipled, loose women who also moonlight as prostitutes, most have solid personalities.

She proceeds to add that some of them even form great friendships with men who offer them financial support without necessarily offering sex in return.

“You know, some people think all we do is sleep around. Some don’t understand how some of us manage to take children through school on our meagre wages. I, for instance, have so many male friends, who drink where I work, and I have no sexual relations with them, but when I’m stuck, I borrow money from them.”

She says most of her friendly clients at the bar are very understanding, especially when a genuine concern such as school fees is involved.

Big time naggers

“What most wives don’t know is how to ask for money from their husbands. I am sure so many women have been told by husbands that they are broke, but guess what; we have been getting money from those very ‘broke’ men. How you ask for money from a man really matters. They have been tipping, giving loans etc., yet nagging wives have been told that they are broke,” she giggles.

True to form, her sentiments are echoed by one Sammy Kailu. Mr Kailu says when it comes to money, he never tells his wife the truth, but reveals it all to his barmaid.

“Wives have a sense of entitlement. When they are not yelling at their husbands, in demand of money for this or that, they are busy blackmailing them for one reason or the other.

Kailu takes a swipe at wives, claiming that some are dishonest. “When a man is drunk, some wives take this as an opportunity to sneak into their wallets to steal from them.” But his relationship with barmaids is so tight once when he misplaced his wallet, a barmaid kept it for him — full of money — and handed it over to him the following day.

Men are selfish, escapists

Barmaids make the bar such a friendly place that men walk in with truckloads of stress and by the time they walk out, they are smiling with diminished stress levels.

“Some of these barmaids are extremely intelligent. They know how to converse with men. They are very interesting people. They have a lot of experience with men, thus it’s fun hanging around them.

 However, Stacy Nyambura has no kind words for men and their love of bars and barmaids, calling them “selfish escapists”.

“Men who claim barmaids and the bar environment is better than their homes because of their wives should be ashamed of themselves. They are selfish and are merely escaping from the bad home environment they have created,” she hisses. “When you look keenly at the lives of such men, they tend to be irresponsible.”

Nyambura says such men stride into bars to wolf down kilos of roast meat as their families subsist on sukuma wiki. She raps them further, claiming: “Such men only do so because these waitresses can never have more money than them. Men dislike women who have more money than them, because it seems like a threat.

“Barmaids are not seen as intimidating in any way. Most wives have no time to stroke a man’s ego, thus they run to bars to hang around barmaids. After all, barmaids are paid to be nice, and have no choice.”