Meru is the place of speeding Probox and double-cabin pick ups ferrying the ‘green gold’ that is veve and also the town where someone could be having tea at 8am, while another would be nursing a bottle of beer for breakfast!
This a patriarchal society that brooks no nonsense and is one of the best places to fish for the future mother of your children since the Meru chick will hardly bolt from her matrimonial home ovyo ovyo unlike her other Bantu counterparts whom we won’t mention (for fear of reprisal).
Here are the 10 things you will encounter in vaite land:
1. kuchana ‘mbachu’
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Whether you are in a matatu or standing in a bank queue, a murume chewing twigs is a must in Meru and its environs and don’t be surprised when a guka draws some mbachu (khat) from the pocket and starts munching.
2. Leaking water pipes
Leaking water pipes are conspicuous - you will find them on riverbanks, below bridges and at roadsides. Is it that water pipes in Meru are never buried deep into the ground or does soil erosion get more rebellious here?
3. Beyond ‘veve’ it’s a banana county
In a recent speech while launching a Beyond Zero mobile clinic, First Lady Margaret Kenyatta congratulated Meru County for becoming the leading producer of bananas. Well, maybe she had just noticed that every shop here sells them.
4. The Probox mathree
The Toyota Probox beats every other make of vehicle in the public transport business. And, boy, they can ferry up to nine passengers, including three or four in the spacious boot!
5. Karimi and skater dresses
Somebody must have set up a precedent, but there’s something about Meru women and heels and skater dresses. It’s not a bad thing, but Kendi, Karimi, Gatwiri or Ciamugwika are so fond of this attire that you can literally count out the women not on heels in this town on any day.
6. Haki ya Mungu, nita kukata!
Here, they don’t believe in ‘generals whose swords are only drawn in a raffle.’ Don’t be surprised if a small disagreement between relatives quickly degenerates into a ‘night of the long knives.’
7. Servant leadership
Meru leaders differ substantially from those in other parts of Kenya. Although they’re driven in top of the range fuel guzzlers, the motorcades are not as pretentious and there are hardly any sirens announcing their presence and roads are cleared for them. Folks mingle freely with their leaders and no pesky bodyguards offer to ring out the wananchi.
8. Banana equals cash
Meru is one of the few places in Kenya where you find women selling neat stacks of banana leaves. Murume, of course, needs some of those to wrap his mbachu.
9. The customer is not always right
Nairobians are always in a hurry, but with murumes, hurrying them is inciting kukosana. “Wee boss, usituharakishe. Ala? Ama utaingia jikoni ujipikie,” is the response you are likely to get, say, in a hotel.
10. Bedsitters are expensive than single bedrooms
Bedsitters are so much in demand here that a four-storey flat in Makutano township is likely to be composed of bedsitters only. They don’t come cheap, so you are better off searching for a one-bedroom flat instead!
