For close to a month now, Kenyans have been treated to high drama in a nasty divorce case pitting Meru Senator Mithika Linturi against his estranged wife, Marianne Kitany.
Kitany has been regaling court attendants with all manner of stuff, including what some think should be left to one’s imagination.
From how she used to offer him financial assistance to how she found pictures of naked girls in the senator’s phone, how he used to allegedly sleep with a house help, Keitany is firing from both cylinders and is not holding anything back.
This case saw men on various social media platforms joking about the types of women men must avoid dealing with.
The psycho
READ MORE
Court rules employers cannot ban office romance
Lack of chastity, defined roles for men and women pose threat to families
A common type that many warned each other against was the psycho, who goes crazy when dumped. A story was told of a woman in Matunda area in Trans Nzoia County.
After she got tired of bad-mouthing her ex-lover, telling anybody who cared to listen how small his male member was and even threatening to bewitch him in vain, she set his house ablaze in the dead of night.
“When they don’t hire village goons to beat you up for breaking their hearts, such types will do anything to get at you,” the social media user narrated.
But you can always spot such crazy women a mile away. Such drama queens always stand out.
They tend to be insecure, controlling and always the victims. She loves drama and exaggerating everything.
Lazy and undomesticated
First, we have the lazy and undomesticated bums. These ones can’t do the basics such as cooking something as simple as tea to save their lives.
Differently put, they are clueless on the domestic front. So clueless that they are not in a position to supervise their own house helps. Their husbands always end up with their house helps as second wives or secret lovers.
Needy irritant
Another commonly discussed by men are the ‘Miss I’m-looking-for-a-man-to-save-my-life’. These types, men claimed, are needy. She wants someone to save her from virtually everything. She suffers from mood swings. She’s always sulking and is an irritant.
“She wants this, she wants that. If it’s not her, it’s her brother, sister, parents and anybody related to her,” complained an enraged man on Facebook.
Look, woman, Jesus died for all of us. Your neediness could be what keeps men away from you. And you are wondering why you are still single at 35 with no man hovering around?
Daddy’s girl
Men were also discouraged from dealing with ‘daddy’s little princess’. She is a spoilt brat. She has expensive taste and expects only the best like her daddy provided. She uses her father as a yardstick to examine men she dates.
She is an attention seeker. If she even breaks a nail, she expects you to drop everything you are doing to drive her to the nail salon, immediately.
She can start a fight at a night club in Nairobi and immediately call you in Mombasa as if there is anything you can do in regard to her immediate situation.
Her car breaks down in Nairobi CBD, but she finds it necessary to call you while on a business trip in Kampala, insisting that you do something! They bring their diva tendencies even in marriage, forgetting they are no longer girlfriends but wives.
Gold digger
Then there is Miss Gold Digger. She sees a man and immediately she wants nothing but money. This type of woman expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is a woman. Doesn’t want to look for a job. All she does is bum around. To her, men were put on this earth to be her personal walking and talking bank accounts.
Borrowing queen
She has a poor borrowing culture. When you lend her an item, it takes combined intervention of Recce Squad, Interpol and global positioning satellite device to track it down.
It takes a shouting match to pay a debt. They lose your autographed, souvenir book and all they can say is: “Aki woiye! I’m very sorry”.
Miss mannerless
She has no manners and tends to be spectacularly rude. She doesn’t care much about your feelings. She overindulges in alcohol and becomes a total mess in public.
You take her to a live concert, and without an ounce of shame, she starts shouting the name of the celeb on stage, expressing undying love for him while, get this, firmly perched atop your shoulders.
What cheek! Alternatively, you pay her entry fee to an overpriced extravaganza only for her to vanish and keep making technical appearances, demanding a drink. Parasites!
Team whiners and gossips
They are always complaining and backbiting, not just anybody but their so-called ‘best friends for life’ (BFFs).
When you see three of them giggling together, you would think they’re best of buddies. But wait until one is away. Come on Miss Jealous. Stop sneering at cuter women and those dressed better than you. Will you?
Thankless slay queen
Girls, in this hard economic times, no man wants you to show up for a date with a hungry, thirsty crowd. Especially if you are the type to spend the better part of the date taking selfies and pictures of food and drinks. It is such characters who, despite being weaned on local beer brands, asks for expensive, foreign drinks just because the man said “feel free to order anything you want”.
They abuse men’s generosity with impunity and order for food that cost an arm and a leg, which, annoyingly, they toy with and only eat the salad. These party poopers hover around like hawks, making it difficult for the man to dispense the all-important honey-coated lyrics to his object of desire.
Madam freebies
Good Lord, Miss Freebies, didn’t your mother teach you men hate needy women?! This woman likes free things. Free tickets, free drinks, free rides. Free! Free! Free! You would be forgiven for thinking ‘Free’ is her middle name because if you shouted ‘free’ when she’s within earshot crowd, chances are she will look around.
Girls, listen and listen well. Free things always haunt. Spend your cash. That, after all, is what equality which you always shout about from rooftops is all about. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
Team clueless, anti-sports
Then we have annoying types who interrupt sports. Your Arsenal FC is trailing Manchester United. And just when you’re holding your breath over a goal-mouth melee, the woman pokes you in the ribs and blurts: “Awww... that Manchester dude is so cute”. Watching a game of soccer with her can be a pain in the wrong place. She asks ridiculous questions, embarrassing not just herself but you who brought her there.
Hard to get queen
Playing hard to get is so out of vogue. Men have no time to decode those mixed signals. It’s either a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, pronto.
Last but not least, ladies stop copy dressing, at least until we get a national dress. Same to those who insist on high heels. Then those who insist on putting on miniskirts, even when it’s clear Mary Quant didn’t have them in mind when inventing it must stop. Some of these accessories are not meant for all women.
