“Ngai! hiyo ni pesa imeenda tu hivo!” screamed Kim, the security officer assigned to our examination centre. He was gesturing at a charcoal-laden lorry lumbering up the road. For the hundredth time, he cursed his OCS for having assigned him examinations duties.

That was on Wednesday morning as we were frisking candidates before getting into the exam room. The stringent rules governing the administration of national exams have affected both teachers and the security officers. This time, the officers are not supposed to lose sight of the examination scripts - even for a second.

Previously, many security officers assigned to various schools would disappear as soon as the first session began. “Mwalimu wacha nifanye patrol ( Mwalimu, let me look around),” one would say and vanish. Sometimes they would be gone for hours. Within the first day, they would have mastered the neighbourhood and known where illicit brews are sold among other things.

Teachers on the other hand prefer to invigilate in certain schools. The reasons are varied. I once invigilated at a school where the principal treated us like VIP’s.

We would find tea, sausages, eggs, bread, boiled maize, or boiled arrow roots waiting for us in the morning. As for lunch, we would be spoilt for choice; beef, chicken, fish, rice, chapatis and pilau were on the menu. By the time the exams were over, some of us had put on weight. Such schools are the preferred ones.

Mean school principals

Some principals are extremely mean and teachers fight tooth and nail not to go to such schools. The principal of a school not far from Meta Meta, is reputed to be so mean that he gives invigilators ‘thin tea’ without an ‘escort’. “ Socs, ukijipata huko utakufa njaa ( Socrates, if you go there you will starve to death),” Schola, Meta Meta’s rumour mill caretaker warned me.

“Hata ‘ngumu’ hawezi nunulia walimu (the principal can’t even buy ‘Ngumu’ for teachers),” she added. At lunch time invigilators are fed on weevil-infested students’ ‘murram’ (maize and beans).

At another centre, the principal is said to be so mean that she personally supervises the meals the invigilators are served. She even instructs the cateress on the number of pieces of meat to be served per plate.

The same principal was nearly involved in a scuffle with invigilators when she demanded to search their bags. She claimed they had stolen the centres’ examination questions papers.

“Just dare,” she was challenged by a lady teacher who had gotten fed up with her meanness. “Na uambie Matiang’i akufungie hii shule uweke kwa handbag uende nayo nyumbani uki-retire (tell Education Cabinet secretary Matiang’i to wrap the school for you so that you can carry it in your handbag once you retire) said another agitated invigilator.

Trust teachers to come up with creative excuses when they do not wish to go to certain exam centres. “I have to attend my grandmother’s funeral. In fact, I have already booked a ticket and I am travelling in the evening by Easy Coach,” I heard one invigilator claim, once she was advised that the principal of the centre she had been send to was mean.

Excuses galore

Immediately a replacement was found, she went back demanding to be taken to another school. “Has your grandmother resurrected? “Asked the education officer. Needless to say she ended up in her school of choice. Another claimed that he could not control himself if taken to a certain girls’ school. “Please take me to another station unless you are planning to have me jailed!” he pleaded.

Socratesmwalimu@gmail.com