Wife deserts lazy hubby who couldn’t fix squeaky bed

A planned ‘mass action’ is expected to take place in my neck of the woods, unless one Ngwazi styles up, if his neigbour is to be believed. The man is accused of many atrocities, which have apparently driven fellow residents round the bend.

What is hardly ever mentioned though is that the man attracts envy from moiling and toiling neigbours because he lives a life full of privileges.

His house does not have electricity and all manner of technological gizmos and gadgetry that most people would love, but neigbours just envy him. Look, the man’s hearth still retains the traditional three stones.

Not a gas cooker, kerosene stove or even a charcoal Jiko but three stones that go by the name of mafia, the type that our ancestors used along with clay pots.

But what he lacks in worldly materials he makes up for in domestic discipline.

His missus is the best wife a man can get. She runs a grocery in the local soko Mjinga, does household chores diligently and most importantly sticks to her husband who is so lazy, and his walking style alone says it all.

The magic leash Ngwazi has on the woman has been the topic of discussion on numerous occasions. The general consensus is that the man bewitched her to forever slave for him.

“You mean you do not buy her dresses and jewellery, and she is okay with that?” someone recently seek a confirmation from Ngwazi at Kahawa Tungu.

“I just go home and I am served food. I do not have to give my wife money. She is just too grateful that I allowed her to work in the first place,” he boasted.

And if you thought the woman is soliciting help from hardworking men, you are in for a rude shock. Many have tried to seduce her to no avail as she is 100% loyal to her lazy husband.

Neighbours are, however, not amused that a new development in the Ngwazi household is disturbing the peace. Apparently, the man’s bed has some loose bolts, which make it creak whenever his wife serves him ‘honey’, keeping neigbours awake.

“Its ‘kuchu’ ‘kacha’ ‘kuchu’ ‘kacha’ like there was a busy railway right outside your window,” a neigbour was recently overheard complaining.

“Doesn’t the fool get tired?” another one wondered.

Apparently, neigbours reported the matter to area sub-chief who said that the man’s conjugal privileges were basic human rights and could not be interfered with.

When they kindly requested Ngwazi to tighten the nuts of his bed, he passed the message on to his wife hoping she would sort it out.

Unfortunately for Ngwazi, that was the melon that broke the monkey’s back. His angry wife hit the roof. “Ngwazi, you are a very lazy man. I’m fed up with you!” she shrieked, almost knocking her husband backwards with surprise.

“I do everything in this house including washing your underwear and yet you expect me to tinker with spanners and pliers like a man. This is just too much,” she said packing her things. “In my custom, jobs such as tightening loose bed bolts is the man’s job. Since you are too lazy to do it, am leaving your lazy behind for good,” she hissed.

Apparently, that was the last straw and there was nothing Ngwazi could do to make her change her mind. Surprisingly. Ngwazi returned home that evening and found his wife missing. She has not been seen since.

The neighbours gave her a standing ovation for the performance. “No more creaky beds,” they cheered.