I decided to experiment making love to two men and got pregnant, how do I tell who is the father?

A few weeks ago, my fiancé and I decided to experiment a little bit in the bedroom. We’re both very open-minded and not shy when it comes to sex. We ended up having a threesome with a close friend of his and now I’m pregnant. I don’t know if the child belongs to my fiance or his friend. I’m only six weeks at this moment.

I’ve wanted a child for many years and had been growing disheartened as, while we weren’t counting down the days and minutes until ovulation, we hadn’t been using contraception for well over a year and nothing had happened.

Having always suffered from polycystic ovary syndrome, I knew my chances of conceiving naturally weren’t good. Only a couple of months ago our doctor said he’d have to refer us to a specialist given that we’d been trying to conceive for more than a year.

My fiance’s friend knows I’m pregnant. He also has a partner and I’m not sure if she knows but he has said that he wants me to have an abortion. My fiance has told me to have a termination, too.

I had an abortion when I was 20 and it always kept me wondering, “what if that was my only chance?” I’m now nearly 34 so this may actually be my final chance. I love my fiance and want things to work out but everyone seems to keep forgetting I didn’t have the threesome on my own and this is my baby.

Regardless of whether the child is biologically linked to my fiance, I don’t see any reason why he can’t love him or her. Gay parents, adoptive parents and parents who’ve used egg or sperm donors don’t love their kids any less – why should he?

Please help. Should I have a termination and hope one day I’ll have a child? Should I keep the baby and hope it belongs to my fiance? Or should I run away and raise the child on my own?

Coleen says

You know what you want to do – you want to keep the child. If you terminate this pregnancy, it will be down to pressure from your fiance and his friend and something you will regret for the rest of your life.

And you’d always resent your fiance for making you do it, which would probably destroy the relationship. But, yes, the reality is, if you do keep the child, you might be bringing it up alone. Of course, when the baby arrives you can do a DNA test. But you shouldn’t be in a position where your future hinges on that. You need to take back control.

These men are behaving appallingly. Your fiance’s mate is not trying to protect his girlfriend, he’s trying to protect himself from being found out! I’m surprised your fiance is so quick to agree with him – he shouldn’t even be thinking about his mate, he should be supporting you.

If you carry on with the pregnancy and your fiance leaves, then it shows what kind of guy he is. But when that baby comes along, it will be the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll wonder why you ever doubted it. Will it be easy? No. Parenting is tough, even when you’re in a stable, loving relationship. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

I understand it might be hard to confide in friends or family, given the situation, but there must be someone close who you can trust.

You need to talk it out with someone other than these two men to help you gain some perspective. It might even be good to sit down with a counsellor, too.