Junk food sector plans to counter weight loss reality shows

By MARK MUTAHI

The junk food sector is up in arms over weight loss reality shows, which they claim are a threat to the survival of the industry. The informal junk food association sector association acronymed as BFF — not for ‘Best Fattening Food’ but ‘Big, Flabby and Flatulent’, see the weight loss reality shows as propagandist content, whose only motive is to change people’s attitudes to the detriment of junk food sector.

“There’s an on-going campaign to reduce waistlines and when you trim waistlines, you trim our revenue,” said Phats Munono, the acting chairman of BFF at a press conference. “And by encouraging people to voluntarily starve themselves, there will be involuntary starvation in our homes!”

Lazy

To counter the threat, BFF has an ambitious plan to lobby the government to ban the shows from being aired. “That would be the ideal solution,” said Munono. “And if that happens, then we can relax, go back to our old lazy ways and pile on more pounds.”

To that effect, BFF had planned to hold demonstrations across the country, but this was shelved — with heavy hearts. The reason behind it was that, the protest organisers realised it would involve walking and dancing along the streets, and the association didn’t want to be seen to be endorsing exercise. This, they claimed, would have led to their members achieving high fitness levels, which is against their beliefs and traditions.

BFF’s other plan is to push for the airing of the weight loss shows only after their customers have gone to bed, but just before their customers have woken up for midnight snacking.

“Our customers, just like children, are highly impressionable and the more they watch such shows, the more likely they are to stop spending on our products,” argued Munono.

Revenue

In the meantime, BFF has also instructed all its members, such as fast food restaurants, who have installed television sets in their premises to switch channels every time a weight loss programme comes on air. “This is to prevent customers who are already in our premises, having their first serving from changing their minds, and not going for a second or third serving. This would deny us more revenue!” explained the chairman. “It is important that we are allowed to fatten our pockets as much as possible. You don‘t air 9/11 films on aeroplanes, so why would we want to air weight loss shows when our customers are enjoying greasy chips and chicken?” He scoffed.

And to provide alternative entertainment to their customers, BFF has revealed that it will soon embark on commissioning eating competition reality shows. Commissioning the eating competition TV programmes is also designed as a counter to the weight loss shows. This will give the fitness fanatics a slim chance of ever winning over BFF’s customer base. Besides, it will give exposure to talented Kenyans.

“Eating is a talent like singing or dancing, and it must be encouraged and given a forum for it to be tapped, fed and nourished!” explained Munono.

Currently, BFF is trying to come up with a catchy name for their reality show.

“Some of the suggestions include ‘Big Broth, Pop (corn) Idols’, ‘What Eat Takes and Eat’s Possible’ — no pan intended! After all, weight is nothing but a number, we are fed up with those weight loss reality shows” Munono concluded.