I want to elope with our shamba boy

My parents divorced when I was seven. Since then, I have spent school terms with my mother upcountry and the holidays with my father in Nairobi. 

At my mother’s house we live modestly and I have chores to do and lots of friends. In Nairobi, though, I am idle as my father has employed domestic workers— a cook, maid and shamba boy — to be at my beck and call.

Now that I have finished high school, I am very bored. My father is never there and I am lonely. When he is around I feel he doesn’t respect that I am now over 18, as he is always shouting at me like a child. Lately, I have found myself being attracted to the shamba boy. He understands me very well and reminds me of my friends upcountry. I want to elope with him. Please help.    —Doreen

Your say

Eloping is your personal decision, but remember you still have more to do to better your future. You are not doing either of your parents a favour by leaving.

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— Milka Kemboi, Kapsengere.

About 13 years ago, I eloped with a civil servant because I could not stand my quarrelsome mother. With seven children staring at me now, and with no education beyond primary school, I feel helpless, as my husband sleeps with educated women and has since married a very beautiful graduate for a second wife. I even enrolled for Form One in January. In short, I just want to tell you to focus on your future first. The shamba boy will take you nowhere.

— Benter Achieng’, Kisumu

You talk like you are out to hurt your father. At your age, your view is still very narrow and much of the decisions you will make are bound to be reactionary. Take your time and reflect. I would advise you to live with your mother. You have a long way to go; forget about the shamba boy.

— Peter Kagwa, Molo

Young girl, ask your father to take you to college. It seems he is rich. Then have some dignity for yourself and think beyond the shamba boy. If you start with the shamba boy, next will be the watchman. With all due respect to the shamba boy and the watchmen, trust me, you are better than that. Think BIG.

— Nancy Akeyo, Katito.

 What happens when you become richer? Will you still go for the shamba boy? Think twice.

— Wendo Anjalo, Mombasa

You are over 18 and already know what you want. Go for it, then come back to this forum one year later and tell us how it feels like to leave the comfort of your father’s house to live with a shamba boy you eloped with because you think your father does not realise you are over 18.

—Mwagodi Tim, Voi

Of course. And why are we not surprised? It’s always the shamba boy. You have mentioned that you are attracted to the shamba boy and that he reminds you of your friends back home.

And because of these you want to elope with him. Nothing about love whatever. Well, just go ahead. Next you will spot a traffic policeman, you will get attracted to him and he will remind you of something from the village. And you know what?

You will elope again.

Go for it and elope.

 –Julius, Nairobi