Want to motivate the next generation? Good luck with that

 

A father plays with his son in the house. [Getty Images]

Most middle- and upper-class Kenyans pulled themselves up by their bootstraps to be where they are today.

They now live in gated communities, drive cars, and are members of golf clubs or chapels. They take occasional trips abroad and probably take their children to private schools.

They were motivated by walking barefoot to school, having no lighting in the house, indoor toilets or cars in the neighbourhood and taking chapati only on Christmas Day.

They longed to visit the mysterious Nairobi and its many lights. I have interacted with some of them but am unsure of my socioeconomic class.  

This group now faces a unique problem. How do they motivate the next generation, their children who live in a different world, scarcity turned into plenty?

One member of this group shared with me recently how he found it hard to eat breakfast; in his upbringing, breakfast was "drunk." 

The next generation, at birth, has what he never had. I recently found out that most of my pioneer students at the University of Nairobi ate pizza aged 23, after campus.

At what age did your children eat pizza? How long after birth did they wear shoes?  What of yourself?

When did you get your first pair of shoes?  When did you know the difference between margarine and marmalade?

My high school teacher, Mr Magare, loved to talk of marmalade. We thought it was "Mama Lade." 

TVs now have remote controls. Back in the day, many homes had no radio, let alone a TV set. How do you motivate such a generation? 

Some parents now use material things to motivate their kids - clothes, money, outings, trips, and toys, among others.

Parents give children what they never had, in plenty. The problem with this approach is that material things never satisfy.

Entrepreneurs and brand owners know that, and they keep producing new things - phones, shoes, cars and seats. The fact that others have what you have deflates its motivational value. 

The other approach is outsourcing; parents have someone take care of the children. This is in the form of nannies or children going to boarding schools at much younger ages. Children feel special for being taken care of. 

This method breaks the bond of motivation. Bonding with children is one way to motivate them. But do you have the time?  Have you taught your children their mother tongue or proverbs?  Sounds old-fashioned, right?  

Punishment was a popular method of motivation. We only realise that late in life. Spanking, pinching, and going to bed without supper sounds old-fashioned again. Your harshest parent is now your best friend. 

Getting mentors is popular nowadays. It’s another variation of outsourcing. We had many mentors in the past on the streets, in schools, and everywhere. Mentoring has been commercialised, losing its meaning and making it less effective. It used to be lifelong, but it’s now occasional, for crisis management. 

It seems the higher you go on the economic ladder, the harder it is to be motivated. How do you motivate the president's children? Motivation suffers from the law of diminishing returns. 

Let’s be fair, the poor, those at the bottom of the pyramid, are also getting harder to motivate. Their key problem is learned helplessness. I found that in the American Deep South. This is one of the under-researched issues in our education system. 

What is the best way of motivating the next generation? Start early. Have you noted that motivation from primary and secondary school is more long-lasting than at campus? Do you have a TV-free evening and talk with your children about the future? Do you spend as much time with them as you do at work?  

Start early before competitors for your children's attention take over; media, peers, church, school, government and muchene.  

Two, be non-material or turn material goals into non-material. Can you strive for higher ideals like happiness, satisfaction, and fulfilment? Why do we acquire material things?  Broaden up to things like caring for one another, for the planet, for the society. 

You could be even spiritual, thinking long-term beyond self and now. Seek meaning and purpose. 

How do you discuss such ideals with youngsters? You need time and maybe do it in a language they understand best like sheng, mother tongue or English. Get into their world.  

And you may have to say the same thing frequently. How do politicians capture our attention? Can you learn from them? 

The best way to motivate the next generation is like driving a car—you focus on the road ahead but still check the side mirrors.

Help define your children’s future against reality but learn from the past, including your own mistakes. Motivating the next generation isn’t an exact science. It needs more of an apprenticeship. 

Relax, every generation faces the same problem of motivation and even handing over to the next generation. Our traditions had elaborate rituals for doing that, we have to create our own or contextualise imported rituals. How have you motivated the next generation?