Kalonzo Musyoka's many hues and fencing sitting make him quite predictable

He has a reputation for being predictably unpredictable. No one ever knows his next move. And knowing that you will never know is, perhaps, the only thing anyone will ever know about Kalonzo Musyoka.

Legend has it that fewer things are as sure as the man from Tseikuru changing his mind. The same suggests that to know what he will say today, figure out the opposite of what he said yesterday.

But figuring out Man Stevo is hardly the easiest task and he issues disclaimers to that effect.

“Gentlemen, you have a lot to chew,” he told journalists on Tuesday, aware that his personal statement had left them with more questions than answers. It left the Wiper leader bewildered!

His buddy of many years, Raila Odinga, must have consulted some psychics, when he baptised Kalonzo ‘watermelon’. That was 12 years ago when Kenya was deciding whether or not it should get rid of the old Constitution.

Many of those belonging to the exclusive league dubbed ‘the political class’ had made up their minds. Kalonzo, on the other hand, needed time.

“Do you support the new Constitution?” the question was asked.

“Yes... no... maybe. Err... I don’t know,” Kalonzo would shoot back at different instances. “Can you repeat the question?”

The senior counsel would eventually settle on the first answer, earning himself a spot in history as one of those who championed constitutional reform.

The watermelon, Kalonzo swears, is “a beautiful fruit”. You pick it up thinking it is green, slice it up a bit and discover that it is whitish. More inches deep and red reveals itself. 

If you ask his critics, Man Stevo has surpassed the benchmark of unpredictability set by the fruit associated with him to attain the highest level of indecision.

The latest episode has had him, allegedly, rescind his promise to join Raila’s Azimio, a product of a series of U-turns.

When he and former allies of the One Kenya Alliance (OKA) left Nasa, Kalonzo had effectively told Raila that he was no longer his boss. That followed assurances that he never again deputise Tinga, as that would make him the “biggest fool”.

But time mellowed the man from Tseikuru, and he would rethink his relationship with Baba, announcing that OKA would join Azimio on condition that partners hold structured negotiations.

For nearly a week, he did not change his mind and called the press to tell them as much.

There he would reveal a secret pact with Tinga, one he should have titled ‘Who’s the watermelon now?’ given it had “exposed” Raila of attempting to go back on his promise of supporting him this time round.

Any engagement with Raila, Kalonzo asserted, must be based on their initial deal, which would make him Azimio’s flag bearer.

But no sooner had Kalonzo vowed against deputising Baba than he announced that he was ready for negotiations, led by President Uhuru Kenyatta, which could see him deputise the ODM leader or, worse, land him a demotion. Another U-turn.

Kalonzo wasn’t always like this. First elected into Parliament in 1985, Man Stevo grew into the model pro-establishment politico. He was fiercely loyal to the grand old Kanu party, earning cabinet slots and a job as Kanu’s organising secretary.

Back then, the Wiper leader led a predictable life. You could count on him to always side with the administration. That was until 2002 when he briefly moved into the opposition, decamping into Raila’s Liberal Democratic Party (LDP).

Man Stevo was among those bypassed to fly Kanu’s flag in the December election. His stint in the cold was short lived when he found himself back in government, now with retired President Mwai Kibaki leading it. And Man Stevo transferred his former loyalty to Kanu to Kibaki’s Narc.

Things changed in 2005 when he would fall out with Kibaki over a proposed Constitution. Those in LDP opposed the draft and Kalonzo, naturally, thus predictably, did not stray from the course.

And he would land a second stint in the cold courtesy of opposing the then president. Man Stevo hated the life and so he made up his mind to run for president in the forthcoming General Election.

Pollsters, at first, declared that he would be the ‘fourth’ but Baba implored that they shouldn’t gauge people based on their looks. The pollsters listened and would place Kibaki and Raila ahead of Kalonzo.

“Nitapita katikati,” Man Stevo promised, showing no signs of unpredictability.

But the world would know what made him tick, when he was faced with the prospect of a prolonged stay in the opposition after emerging third in the disputed 2007 elections. Kibaki offered to make him vice president, which he found irresistible.  

He would champion Kibaki’s cause, all the while hoping that he would succeed him in 2013. The former president had no intention of picking a successor. A group Man Stevo had led - the G7 - did not see value in partnering with him.

Kalonzo found himself alone and chose the unthinkable, joining Raila to contest for the presidency, surprising friends and foes.

If you ask Man Stevo, his history with Baba proves him as more consistent than those who accuse him of always being in the middle.

Kalonzo has kept up a pretty consistent persona in the past decade, earning fame as Raila’s running mate, one that fate may shed off. Isn’t life just unfair?