How to speak to your child about sensitive issues

It is hard for a father to explain to their child some issues. Issues like why you are being evicted, and homelessness. You do not know where to start. And this is because a matter like this hits a man and a father where it hurts most; in the area of being a provider.

When a father is hit by an eviction or homelessness, we feel like we have failed our family. (I’m referring to men who really care about their family and make oodles of sacrifices to give their family the best).

We feel like our role as a provider has been put on the weighing scale and we have been found deficient. Severely deficient.

When we look in the eyes of our loved ones - though they may be filled with love - our manly minds get it twisted and we think they are questioning our very existence.

No manual prepares a father for homelessness. Well, except prayer. If you are going through a similar situation, and you are at loss for words, here are tips on how to speak to your child about sensitive issues ...

Reassure the children

I have never stopped reassuring our daughter, and letting her know that this phase shall pass. They say silence is golden. But not when your family is going rough patch. Your silence can be misconstrued to mean myriad things. And you do not want that to happen.

Constant reassurance, even if it is through a few words, will calm down your child’s nerves. If you cannot do it verbally - because your child is, at the moment, living with a relative or you are just a man of few words - you can do it via cards and gifts. In years to come, your child will treasure your love and thoughtfulness.

Don’t lose your humour

You may be going through a situation that can kill, but do not lose your sense of humour, especially if you had one before lightning struck.

Laughter is the best medicine. You may not necessarily joke about the situation. But if there are things you can recall, some funny moments of the past, bring them up and have “comic breaks” from the harrowing situation. This will take the child’s mind, albeit momentarily, from what is happening.

Honesty is the best policy

It hurts like hell to tell your child some things, but the truth will set your child - and you - free. It is better for your child to hear the truth from you, than for them to try and make out what is happening. Or hear some twisted version from friends, or nosy neighbours.

If your child is old enough, sit them down and gently let them know what’s up. If they are not, find a way - there is always a way - to keep them informed.

Be a man about it

If need be, swallow your pride. Take responsibility of what has happened. And do not take the responsibility “silently”. Let your kids know that the buck stops with you.

There may be things that you need to apologise for. Maybe, you did not handle the situation well. Maybe, you flew off the handle. Say that one little word that fathers do not like saying; sorry.

As men, most of us have been socially conditioned to wear tough outer shells, even if, inwardly, we are falling apart. Being a man about it does not show that you are weak. On the contrary, it will earn you more respect.

Ask for help

Your family may know you as the man with the big S on his chest, but even Superman has his human side, which has frailties.

Do not put the whole weight of saving your family on your shoulders. Ask for your kids’ and spouse’s help. There are little things that your children can do which, in the long run, will make the load lighter.

It may seem like what they are doing is like removing a straw from your back. But remember that it’s that one straw that eventually breaks the camel’s back.

Besides, when you ask your children to help, they will feel that they are part of the solution. When you finally get out of the rough patch, they will be proud of the role they played.