The pain of a still birth

Three weeks ago, Tenderoni’s best friend Ceelo* lost her unborn baby boy at a city hospital, where she had gone to give birth, after carrying the pregnancy for the whole nine months plus two weeks.

Ceelo gave birth to her first child, a baby boy, in this same hospital. And for her second baby, Ceelo attended all her clinics at this hospital, reasoning that because she had a good history and memories of the institution, nothing untoward would happen.

Where there’s smoke …

This hospital has had, for some time, a bad reputation. We would always hear stories of patients dying in strange circumstances, and there was talk the owners of the hospital were involved in the dark arts. Because of these rumours, people in the neighbourhood were reluctant to take their loved ones to this hospital. Over the years, this hospital has grown in leaps and bounds, and they have added several wings and floors, plus scores of workers.  

They say that where there is smoke, there is fire. But then again, the smoke would be nothing but mere rumours and speculations.

Midwives from hell

The baby did not come out, even after Ceelo was in labour for several hours. Fearing for the life and health of his wife and unborn baby, the husband begged the hospital to perform a CS, but the nurses declined.

Ceelo says that the nurses looked like they have come from hell.  She says that they acted like they did not care. Like they had done this grievous harm to other expectant mothers before, and had become immune to human suffering.  

“Wait till the baby comes out,” Ceelo heard the nurses saying, “We will give him a spanking to make him know who we are.”

Who says that? I mean, these are professionals who are supposed to personify empathy. Yet here they were traumatising a woman at her greatest hour of need.  

By the time they decided to do a CS, the baby was already dead. Some fluids may have entered the baby’s head, because his head was abnormally swollen. Even if he would have seen the light of day, he probably would have suffered from severe mental complications.

From a shower to a shower

There are many issues that Ceelo will have to deal with. Just like many women who lost their unborn babies, she has come out of hospital without counselling.

Her son kept asking her about his new sibling. Friends and acquaintances, who do not yet know what happened, will, when they see her, ask about the baby. And then she will have to relive the pain all over again.

Besides, Ceelo now has to deal with seeing all the baby items that she bought, and those which were given to her as gifts.

Three months ago, Ceelo’s girlfriends surprised her with a baby shower. I told Tenderoni that they will now have to surprise her with another shower … of tender loving care. 

What’s a man supposed to do?

I don’t know what Ceelo’s husband is going through. I know that he is also hurting. He may not outwardly show it – because society expects him to be a man about it – but I know that he also feels it. What I know is that, just like Ceelo, this brother also needs tons of tender.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all men who are hurting from the loss of their children. May God give you healing, grace and a support system.