Ten things about men brought up in the village you did not know

Like I keep saying, my view of men is quite shallow. Those men brought up in the village intrigue me. When their mothers were heavily laden, they still walked to the market and labor pains caught them unawares.

They grew up under the mercy of siblings, neighbors and community at large. Their mother would leave for work and deposit them at their neighbor, who would also leave for the market and deposit them at another Good Samaritan’s home. The boys ate soil, occasionally get infested with worms and get de-wormed. Their world is totally different from those brought up in town. Here are 10 things about men brought up in the village: Their standards of women to take home are quite simple. They just want nothing much but a woman who cooks, dresses decently and has morals.

They are shocked why women use lipsticks in the first place and frown at women who drink alcohol.When he takes you on a date, he will care the least if you wash your hands and eat without forks.

They will not be shocked when your cutlery falls down or when you forget to use the napkins. He is a free bird.

Their browser history is one of a kind. Ghana’s oil crisis, Jack the Ripper, how to clear a back-end error, implications of Brexit, a documentary about Harry Truman, Nelson Mandela and above all, football.

My good men people from the village are clueless about trends and especially those for women. They do not know what harem pant is nor can they wear tight jeans.

They will not realize you have color clashed and have no idea what Ankara is. Whether you are in a kitenge, skirt or jeans and t-shirt or a school uniform, they will giggle at how smart you are and will detect your ass is big even if you are wearing a dera.

They have a realistic view of sex. They will enter your house and manhandle you, panting and making you crazy too. They grossly tell you how much they want you and throw you to bed like luggage and descend on you dangerously, working on you like it is a matter of life and death. If he remembers, he will hold you afterward. If he won’t, he will snore heavily after informing you how great you were. Full stop.

He and the kitchen are not best of friends. Catch him dead cooking for you to prove how sweet he is. They are chauvinistic deep down and the thought of a woman’s place as the kitchen and bringing up children always lingers in their mind even if he won’t confess. Whereas their town counterparts know about pizza offers, the village ones love ugali and managu. 

They meet their colleagues in affordable hotels or other normal choma joints or some pub. High chances are they have, in fact, never tasted pizza as we speak.

They are still trying to understand Facebook and have the same profile pic since Mpesa was launched and would rather call instead of text. In fact, you text “I feel lucky to have you as my man” he will respond with a call of I have received your text. City boy will respond, “Awww…emoji emoji emoji. You are so sweet my sherry. Lucky to have a hot mama too”When born taos are keeping up with the Kardashians, those brought up in the village still have difficulty understanding who in their normal senses publicize their life in the so-called reality and thus stick to their lane of Statham, Vin Diesel and American Odyssey and Documentaries.

They always watch news and know Kenyan politics. They know about section 2A, sessional paper and many clauses in the constitution.Lastly, they know that panties are for covering the jar of honey and not for aesthetic purposes. Consequently, they still are amused by thongs or G-strings and see no problem with mothers’ unions.