PARENTS BEWARE: Your child could be a campus spouse

The campus scene provides the perfect atmosphere for untamed energies, sexual freedom, fornication and cohabiting. In this era where rental houses on campus are clicks away and ‘exiling’ of roommates is a simple task, campus marriages of convenience are not surprising.

“It is easy to cohabit. We share costs and dry spells are taken care of,” says Njeri, a Moi University student.

Cohabiting comes with many perks. First is cost-sharing. Broke, hungry and tired is the definitive nature of any campus student. Marriages thus spawn a perfect survival arrangement: The guy provides the food while the woman provides the culinary skills. Of course, Bible-reading does not happen after the eating. The female cooks the meal after which both the cook and the meal are ‘eaten’, the former as ‘dessert’.

Second, cohabiting ensures a regular and steady supply of conjugal satisfaction. Most campus students are in their 20s, the period of insatiable sexual energy and needs. The average campus man is like a jackrabbit. Ergo, marriages facilitated by free condoms in dispensers all over campus provide a sure platform for getting laid. It is not uncommon to hear students saying: “Comrades must enjoy, dry spells and pneumonia must be destroyed.”

Third, cohabiting is the greatest anchor of DMV (Dating Market Value). Some, if not most campus couples, are simply together because it increases their social status and credibility. Campus couples who live together and are spotted fondling each other all over campus are held in high regard while the rest are regarded as bed-hoppers. The DMV comes in handy, especially when one of them is vying for a position in the students council. No one wants a bed-hopper handling student affairs.

Fourth, and the most unlikely perk of cohabiting, is joint resourcefulness. This only happens when two sober, like-minded and smart people are in a relationship. Such couples will be seen supporting each other in the arts, business ventures and such like things.

That being said, cohabiting is not a smooth road. Cases of couples literally fighting to death are not uncommon. Unplanned-for children and abortions are also common.

There is the endless debate about what is wrong and right. We can save that for the Pope and let the socially-aware campus adults do whatever and whoever they want. However, one can’t help but wonder: Do parents know that their children are campus spouses?

Well, I thought you should know.