How to know that your estate is A-list

1. When people no longer quarrel about shared electricity bill. Everybody has a metre or buys tokens.

2. When kids have nice coloured bicycles.

3. The absence of "chomelea" people walking in estates asking to chomelea plastic basins and buckets.

4. When the landlord is unknown. You only know of agents and half truths about the landlord.

5. When every evening people scramble for parking space.

6.When 5 in every 6 married women is overweight and are members at a gym whose monthly subscription can pay a hustlers rent, food and cloth him for many years.

7. Neighbours don't know each other and what they do- They don't give a damn.

8. Tenants have Wi-Fi with secured passwords.

9. The kids in that estate go to school by bus or their parents or drivers drop them at the school gate.

10. Zero rate of "moshene". Women hardly confront each other with "ulisema" or "ulimwambia" tales.

11. The houses have balconies, compounds and sophisticated inscribed house numbers at the door.

12. Few or no matatus that ply the routes to the estate, because people have personal cars.

13. Few or no mama mbogas at the estate since these people buy all groceries at the supermarket and stock in their elephant size fridges.

14. Huge ever closed gates. At the gate there's a weary old man with a matchbox sized house near the perimeter wall.

15. Clean surrounding. No litter and dirty open sewers like what we see in slums.

16. Four in every five households have house helps. Others even have servants complete with servant quarters.

17. A sign board written: "Slow down, children playing". This is very different from "Children crossing". You must have seen how children crossing are represented simply in ordinary uniform-From ordinary schools of course.

18. No incidences of theft. Clothes and household items can be left outside for many nights and no one will touch them. Tenants travel to shags, overseas and find all their worldly possessions intact.

19. First class crimes happen here. Like so and so shot someone. Not stabbed him or bewitched him/her. Drug trafficking, tax evasion, embezzlement of public funds and voter bribery are crimes they commit. They never tire of referring the public to their lawyers or ignoring and appealing to court verdicts.

20. No scramble and partition for clothesline. They have more than enough. Some even have washing machines or do half of the washing at the dry cleaners.