Managing your money in marriage

NAIROBI: Relationship experts will tell you that money ranks high among issues that lead to marital discord.

Indeed whereas marriage makes two become one flesh, little is said in regard to their also being financial partners.

Sadly, it would appear many are not willing to trade their independence for interdependence and it is now common to find couples keeping financial details secret.

“This is being unfaithful to each other in the area of finance,” says Crispus Mwanzia, an associate pastor and marriage counsellor in Nakuru.

Mwanzia says couples who are not accountable to each other will often fail to arrive at a consensus when it comes to how their finances will be used. Sadly, one partner may be forced to shoulder the entire financial burden yet the other can chip in.

“I have witnessed such cases where both spouses are working but it is only one partner who meets their expenses while the other hardly accounts for his or her finances,” he says.

According to Mwanzia, doing this has the net effect of bringing disharmony and robs the union of peace. He says unity can best be achieved when there is a consensus on how finances will be used.

“A household needs money in order to operate and if both partners are working, there should be mutual agreement on what costs each partner will shoulder,” he says.

According to personal banker, John Nyutu, couples who declare their finances to each other can pursue joint ventures together and lessen the family burden. He says going solo can expose the family to unwise decisions which will cause a huge dent to their resources.

“When couples invest together, there is a higher likelihood of success and income generated will benefit both,” he says.

Nyutu says partners who manage their finances independently are insensitive to the needs of the other and insists whether or not the spouse works, both should know what the family income is and keep track of money spent.

“If the woman is a housewife, she has a right to know her husband’s income while he has a right to know how the money he gives the wife is spent,” he says.

He also recommends that couples merge their lifestyles. This is especially specific to couples with income discrepancies where one person may want to splurge on something that another cannot afford.

Doing this will prevent one spouse taking an unwise action, including borrowing money they cannot afford to pay, in order to cater to the other’s more elaborate tastes.

Couples also need to consult each when making purchases in order to arrive at an understanding. Communication is key here and this channel of information should be kept open at all times. This will bring accountability and a monitoring of where the finances are going.

Mwanzia adds that couples operating separate secret bank accounts are not honest or accountable to each other and have this mentality of being sole owners of everything that is in their name.

He urges partners to eliminate financial tension in their union saying marriages are not “evolving experimental institutions” but investments that also need to be well run in order to be successful.

“Finances should, therefore, not be seen in terms of his or hers but ours. This is regardless of who between the two partners earns more than the other,” he says.

And because many couples get into trouble primarily due to financial naivety, it is highly recommended that they learn some basic financial management and budgeting principles.

This will not only teach them how to avoid debt and financial problems but also how to make smart choices when it comes to borrowing.