Dude, don’t be caught dead with a man purse

I am probably just old-fashioned.

I own a good enough smartphone, a bunch of keys, my wallet is always bulked up and I do not see the need to tote around a tablet in my daily commute.

Somehow, I manage to carry my handheld junk on me without any discomfort.

The customary black bag serves me quite well when I need to carry my laptop with me.

But I would rather be old school than carry a purse.

No offence to all men out there who love their long-strap, should-slung bags.

It is just that I can’t help but sometimes wonder what the cat will drag out of those bags — lip balm? Lotion? Billfold? Sunglasses?

Or if those are too feminine, a Swiss Army knife perhaps? Or may be a torch?

GLORIFIED PURSES

Not that you will necessarily be a sissy or wuss for sporting what is perhaps out of respect called a man bag, not at all.

In any case, as the giraffe-buying Zach Galinifianakis so humorously pointed in The Hangover. “It’s not a man purse, it is a satchel, Indiana Jones has one!”

And even Jack Bauer still looked menacing with a canvass bag, intense eyes and a pointed pistol.

What needs to happen probably is to man up the man bag.

There are things, however metrosexual or open-minded you are, that you should not carry around as a man, otherwise a woman may walk up to you for wet wipes and “bullets.”

That is why some bags, are nothing more than glorified purses, the so called man purses that we derogatorily refer to as murses.

DAB OUR MACHISMO

We have the option to still dab our machismo in testosterone with man-enough bags like the messenger bag. It is the obvious choice to avoid a girly look.

A messenger bag, that Michael Ross pulls off so well in Suits, does not have top handles or exterior pockets, which rules it out as a kin of the purse, and does not rob you of your maleness.

Plus, you can pop in your laptop, tablet and all those other electronic paraphernalia that weigh us down.

The assumption is that you are not skinflint and that you will settle for quality, and not brightly coloured, dreadful cheap-material bags that will make you look like the horde of Nairobians who flock the streets rushing for evening classes.

My favourite is the briefcase, because, well...I am a traditional guy.

I find the short handles fashionable, plus it comes with shoulder straps which allow me to wear it like a messenger bag out of the office.

WEATHERPROOF BACKPACK

The man bag that I just tolerate is the tote. You accept it the way we accepted tomboys when growing up — we knew they were not boys, but still did not mind their company.

Of course there is no disputing the backpack. It is a man’s staple and only need to be worn appropriately.

You do not turn up with a backpack and a suit for instance, but it is the go-to trendy bag for weekend haunts.

A weatherproof backpack fashioned out of a wipeable fabric and preferably in the American household JanSport shape is a classic.

Whether you are looking for a bag to store your PDAs, a book or a spare sweater for the incipient cold December weather, you need to still consider men’s gendered fears.

You can still have a bag that highlights your masculinity and does not make you look like a woman with beards!