Use your ears more than your mouth

A man and his wife quarrel and you are invited to arbitrate. You will be most foolish to hastily take sides before you have understood the whole story.

I recall one such incident. Relatives from both sides were invited. However, the man’s relatives have a habit of siding with their own no matter the story behind the animosity.

So on this occasion, it was no different. After bashing the poor lady, they left, happy with themselves. The lady simply packed and left, and it would take two years for the man to come to his senses and redeem his most precious family.

But he did not have kind words for his people whom he thought had been instrumental in the separation.

The word of God says that a man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offence.

So rather than take the higher moral ground, it is advisable to sympathise with the other person’s feelings.

This involves sympathising with both affected parties.

Unfortunately, most of us are so dismissive, so abrasive. We listen to what led to the grave situation at hand and quickly offer words that may not be beneficial to the affected party.

It is advisable to use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement, consider what Paul advised, “Look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.”

Most likely in the scenario above, we will tell the couple to ‘just bear it,’ ‘it is life’ etc. Why not purpose to spend time with the warring party and listen to both sides? Usually each partner feels more aggrieved than t he other and expects you to take their side.

Do not attempt to talk them out of how they feel at first. Let them vent. Venting after all is therapeutic. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive.

David admitted, “When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, I was as stupid as an animal. We all act beastly when hurt so do not display horror on your face when unkind, abusive words begin flying left, right and centre. The truth is that when the heated moment passes, what usually follows is regret.

The word of God says that patience comes from wisdom and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others.

I subscribe to the philosophy that everyone has not only an opinion but is also entitled to it.

The woman who was caught in adultery and should have been stoned received the most sympathy from the most unlikely person, the Lord Himself, who dared her accusers to cast the first stone if they were without sin.

Her accusers are typical people devoid of the leading of the Holy Spirit. To them, this is a loose woman. Period. But why not listen to her story? You will gain wisdom according to the word of God from hearing her perspective.

To listen is to say, “I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me.”

Anyone serious about restoring strained relationships must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.

It is a sacrifice to patiently absorb the anger of others, especially if it is unfounded.