Alcohol, poor skills lead parents to killing own children

By CHARLES NGENO and MERCY KAHENDA

Kenya: Increasing cases of violence and gruesome killings within the family set-up is causing concern to experts, psychologists and religious leaders alike.

Incidents of parents turning on their children after misunderstanding in marriages are on the rise. Majority of the cases go unreported, leading to high unprecedented levels.

Early last month, Emmanuel Sigei and his wife Nalomita Sigei allegedly killed their six-month-old baby in a chilling incident that left residents of Naisudori village, Narok South Sub-County tight-lipped. The young couple, which got married in March 2013, had agreed to end the life of their only child after Sigei claimed he was not its biological father.

“I noticed they had squabbles but I advised Sigei to solve their differences,” said John Cheruiyot, Sigei’s father. He says Sigei started drinking soon after their marriage. As he led this writer to the grave where the six-month-old child was buried, Cheruiyot was still left wondering how the couple could have conspired to kill an innocent child.

It is suspected the couple might have used an insecticide to kill the child. “We were shocked since we have never heard of a mother conspiring to kill her own child,” said Emmanuel Mutai, Sigei’s uncle. The two were later arraigned in a Nakuru court and charged with murder but denied the charge.

 In Narok North, Narok County, John Kimani Wanjiru, a father of two, hacked his six year-old daughter to death and defiled the eldest. Mary Wambui, Wanjiru’s wife who escaped during the incident, said her husband, a casual labourer, was a habitual drunkard and often fought over anything.

“He calls me names and beats me up before the children and neighbours when he is drunk. We differed and he sent me away,” she says. In another case last year on August 25, Philip Ng’eno from Emitik Village, Sogoo location, headed to his mother-in-law’s home after a drinking spree and attacked his wife, four children and his mother-in-law with a panga.

According to locals, the man is reported to have differed with his wife before she later left for her parents’ home. Ng’eno’s efforts to reconcile with his wife borne no fruit, as his in-laws demanded he pays dowry to legalise the marriage.

Under siege

It is reported he arrived at night armed with a panga and demanded that he takes his family home. Confrontation ensued and the man whipped out the panga and began slashing everyone in sight. Fortunately, they survived  and were taken to hospital.

Teachers, psychologists and church elders have expressed concern that the family, a basic unit of society, is under siege. Psychologists and experts interviewed by The Standard on Sunday expressed concern over rising cases of violence in families due to breakdown, economic pressures and changing roles in families.

Dr James Mwaura, a psychologist based in Nakuru, attributes murder of children by their parents and relatives to lack of practical ways of solving differences in relationships and marriages.

Dr Mwaura says unsolved family differences have often led to death, especially due to unfaithfulness, family negligence and lack of financial and social support in marriages. He says failure to solve these disputes lead couples to killing their children to avoid any form of association with their partners.

“Extra marital affairs in marriage and family negligence always drive couples to killing their children to prevent them from undergoing mistreatment. They also want to avoid anything that links them with their partners,” says Mwaura. He says revenge is also common in marriages especially with  husbands who feel intimidated by their wives forcing them to turn to children who are defenceless. Revenge incidences are mostly experienced when couples separate or divorce, leaving the children under the custody of one parent, according to Mwaura.

According to Prof Miriam Sewe, who heads the Department of Social Sciences at Narok University, men have always played the role of family providers.

 But this has been changing slowly. “Women are taking over this role and men are yet to accept this reality. This denial is what is driving them to suicide,” said Prof Sewe.

Moral values

She says when children look up to their mothers as providers, men’s ego is irreparably pricked. Sewe says such men allow frustrations to take the better part of them.

“They decide to vent their bottled up frustrations on their families. But Bishop Paul Leleito, the CEO Emmo Development Community, has attributed the rise in these cases to society’s loss of moral values, poverty and drug abuse.

“The society has torn its  moral fabric that held it together as a family.

Parents no longer socialise with their children on virtues such as honesty, openness, selflessness and integrity. Rather the cutthroat competition has become the order of the day,” said Bishop Leleito.

He warned that a nation is built on its culture and traditions, adding that poverty levels, which are high, are also responsible for the many murders reported.

He points out that young couples perpetuate most of the cases reported.

“Some of the couples are very young and are not physically and psychologically prepared for the challenges that come with parenting. Few years down the line they are overwhelmed,” he says.

He called for religious counseling to prevent further domestic strife.  “Religious leaders must come forward and play a crucial role in uniting couples especially when they are facing challenges,” he said.

Teachers attribute these to the inability of our education system, which they say is not holistic.

They suggest that education should prepare us to cope with challenges rather than running away from them.

 Dr Hillary Barchok, the dean Faculty of Education, Chuka University, says our education has only been tailored to excelling in exam. “What happens once these students leave school? They are totally ill equipped to confront the challenges of life.

Religious studies

We need to bring back social sciences and religious studies in schools,” said Barchok. He says there is need for parents to interact more with their children. By spending most of their time at school, they will miss out on traditional values that were learnt from the extended family.

 “Learning to share was an important skill that children were socialised to know. But the current lifestyle is everyone for himself and God for us all,” summed Barchok.