Fighting ‘the other woman’ waste of time

By SHIRLEY GENGA

KENYA: I like rewards. I always like to know whether, if I endure a certain amount of suffering, there is a proportional — or even bigger — reward waiting for me at the end of it.

The reward system has always been very effective for me — it has a way of stabilising my life. It never fails. Plus, it is a great tool in relationships. If I have to put up with certain negative aspects of a relationship, then there must be some reward for all my pain and suffering. And not just any shaghala baghala reward, it must correspond to or be better than my effort. No one should tell me that less is miraculously more.

 I have always wondered what would make a woman stay with a cheating man. 

 The reasons I have heard or deducted from what people say, range from money, kids, fear of failure and what other people think or say about them. But it is the latest philosophical reasons for staying with a cheating man, that I find mind-boggling.

Recently at a bridal shower, with a group of ladies, some women stood to give advice that I deemed repulsive and misguided. But I discovered I was alone on that.

They advised the bride to always hold on to her man and to never let any woman take him away. They made that sound heroic, assuming the bride succeeds in doing that. Another lady gave her a personal example of how her husband had a clandestine lover but fought very hard to retain her position. She talked of how she could never leave her cheating man. She would rather die than leave him and their home. If she did that, the other woman would win.  

I looked around, hoping for someone to interject and speak some sense, but they all cheered. Some even gave each other that knowing glance like they were soldiers fighting for a worthy cause that would change the world — forever.

Apparently, women stay because they can’t let the other conniving ‘evil’ woman win.

 There are times, when enough is enough and a woman has to walk away.

Why would someone stay in a relationship or marriage with a cheating man? Why suffer depression, heartbreaks, extreme paranoia, self-doubt and unhappiness? Do you have to even waste time coming up with a war strategy to fight and thwart the plans of the other woman? 

And the reward for all the trouble is a cheating man, who may bring home a horrible disease or infection (hepatitis, herpes or worse HIV) some day. Who comes up with these misguided philosophies anyway?

It is akin to being a martyr for a cause that has already failed.

I really like rewards and as I look at the situation in all the 360 degrees, there is no reward here, only pain and suffering. No one can convince me that the same cheating man is somehow the valuable price at the end of the torturous tunnel. Whoever comes up with some weird advice to women should stop. In this new year, I hope women will see the light and stop wasting time monitoring men and guarding against ‘the other woman’.

There really has to be more to life, than constantly fighting for you place in a man’s heart!