Are men warming up to house chores?

By GARDY CHACHA

Kenya: In the years gone by, it was difficult to find men going into the kitchen, and even much less, cooking for the family, or cleaning dishes after a meal, or mopping the house to give it homely ambience. All that was slated as women’s work. Men would be engrossed with more ‘manly’ work such as construction structures and erecting beams — the kind that draws adrenaline instantly.

“A woman is a nurturer by many world standards,” Ruth Munene, a school principal in Mombasa and a married mother of two comments. “In our culture and in many others around the world, men provide protection to families and bring home the bacon. Common sense, therefore, dictates that the woman keeps the home habitable and prepares the food the man brings home.  It’s  not that cryptic” asserts Ruth.

Time and human evolution, however, have subjected many parameters of social norms to change and hence, the seemingly outgrowing indifference to who can do what and where.

Counselling psychologist and relationship expert, Catherine Mbau, acknowledges that work apportioning in the household is becoming a sensitive issue with both genders aiming for careers and other accomplishments that define modern success.

“Women have increasingly taken up roles that were formerly considered to be for males. A woman today is as much capable of bringing the bacon home just like the man has done over the years. But as women have changed to embrace male roles, the male gender has been hesitant in warming up to feminine roles,” explains Catherine.

Cooking prowess

Catherine takes notice that this state of affairs can strain a marriage and introduce mangling dissention between couples. Even with the changes, the world still remains mostly masculine with voices of misogyny that insist that the kitchen is the real woman’s fort.

The argument that God created Eve as a helper to Adam often snuggles its way into conversations. It is apparent that God prioritised Adam’s creation and afterwards made him a woman to complement his stay on earth.

Pastor Edward Munene of Mombasa’s International Christian Centre (ICC), however, disagrees arguing that that is not the correct way to look at it. The pastor himself finds joy in sharing household chores with his wife Ruth. According to Edward, a woman being a helper has been monstrously misconceived and maybe incompetently executed by menfolk.

He says, “For you to have a person you call a helper, you must be the one carrying out the main job. This person is not a slave, and most likely you can do the job without them, but as God saw it fit to create a helper who would make it easier for the man to live — not to be a slave for the man.”

One couple, Lavynca and Fredrick Omondi, have somewhat different views on this.

“A man should be able to help in different chores. I, however, think a woman should be on top of everything in the house; everything in terms of house chores,” says Fred.

Fred loves cooking and finds delight in his cooking prowess.

“I can cook some foods better than my wife just like she can. Depending on the menu of the day, we agree on who handles the kitchen. So, I find it inaccurate to say she belongs in kitchen.”

Lavynca’s take on this jibes her husband’s views arguing that some roles are intrinsically assigned. She believes that there is a unique place for men and women as far as house chores are concerned. “For instance, fixing of stuff like curtain rails, furniture and appliances is more associated with a man while housekeeping is associated with a woman,” she says.

Lavynca, however, isn’t rigid on what her husband can delve in within the house. She says it would be fine to have ‘division of labour’ because one person cannot do everything and that spouses are talented in different areas.

The importance of communicationin this matter cannot be overstated.

“Couples should talk and understand each other; share their expectations about each other,” advises Mbau. “Assumptions will lead to strife when the spouse falls short of your expectations. It is more acceptable today than before that a man can cook and care for the children. House chores don’t come in a natural manual. A couple should arrive at what works for their careers, jobs, and understanding of culture.”

Kevin and Monica Chege have been married for slightly over a year now and their love isn’t about to fluster by marital wars. This could partly be because they’ve arrived at a working formula in their house and share in all the work.

Though house chores are not the first things that pull him back home at the end of every working day, Kevin admits that he involves himself with almost every house chore that needs to be done; “like cooking, washing, doing repairs and folding clothes.”

Monica appreciates her husband’s helping hand. If he had, however, opted not to take up the ‘lucid’ work of cooking and handling laundry, Monica wouldn’t fret much as she feels perfectly fine doing the work herself; her taste is skewed towards nurturing.

She says: “I believe certain chores are designed more for a particular sex. I admire how easily my husband can work on some things I struggle with. In more than one occasion, he has fixed things that I could only do so little about.”

Monica would love her husband to continue performing the ‘manly’ chores around the house. She would easily make it into Mbau’s list of women who love what tradition and culture has bestowed upon them.

“There are women who have no qualms handling the kitchen and nurturing routine. So long as the spouses are fine with the arrangement, I see them happy and satisfied,” says Mbau.

Even though Edward takes up most of the chores on Mondays — when he is free — Ruth, like Monica, thinks that household work like cooking and putting the house in order is naturally ingrained in a woman.

“I love it when he helps. Even the children love his cooking, but if he doesn’t feel like doing it, I wouldn’t fuss over it. God gave women more capacity than men to nurture: not that we are slaves to men, but it comes as a natural instinct. A couple should, however, agree on how to handle house chores because circumstances are different for each couple.”

In Mbau’s understanding, couples ultimately have to find what works for them.

“This is not, to mean, however, that there are chores that a man or a woman cannot perform: it is based on choice and preference.”