Girlfriend dumps man for proposing holiday to be attended via video link

By Mark Mutahi

Kenya: The highly publicised campaign to have ICC trials conducted via video link got a man’s imagination running wild, when he realised the immense possibilities that video chat technology offered.

Having been promising his long-time girlfriend a holiday for many years without ever doing anything about it, it occurred to Jason that he could finally honour his promise without risking an ‘economic vacuum’.

Since he knew of a friend planning on taking a beach vacation, Jason decided he would make sure the friend carried a laptop on holiday with him. He would then require the friend to ‘dial in’ every few hours, especially when he was on the beach lazying around, you know!

The friend would have to place the webcam in such a way that it captured a large area of the beach, and also capture as much beach activities as possible. This was to give anyone viewing a feeling of almost being there physically.

Enact

To cap it all, Jason would even place several pots of boiling water in the room and close all ventilation spaces to enact a humid atmosphere! He would even get a fake palm tree and plant it in the room.

This way, his girlfriend would finally get the ‘beach holiday’ she had always wanted at little or no cost.  All was well until Jason revealed to his girlfriend the surprise holiday plans he had.

 “Did you miss your appointment with your psychiatrist?” the girlfriend asked in murderous tone. “Just what do you take me for?!”

Hell

That’s when Jason realised that he had probably overstepped boundaries. But before he could say, “it’s the thought that counts” (which is what everyone says when they’ve bought a gift that costs less than the wrapping paper it is in) all hell had broken loose.

“I have never seen a woman so angry!” Jason’s neighbour was later heard saying. “I had given up ever witnessing such shouting and screaming anywhere else outside Nollywood film, but not anymore!” he added.

Jason’s girlfriend then dumped him through a Facebook post, as if to say that the same Internet technology he had decided to use to broadcast his cheap ways was now being used against him. The public post led to an all-out war with Jason hitting back by launching an online tirade calling her all sorts of names.

“She is so stuck in the old ways of doing things that the only change she will ever experiment with is the one in her purse!” Jason posted.

Sundry

The woman retaliated by exposing him to all and sundry. “I should have seen the warning signs the day you took me on our first date to Kenchic!” she revealed. Jason never quite recovered.

Days later, Jason was full of regrets, but efforts to get back with the girlfriend, including by demonstrating his remorse by smashing his ‘offending laptop’ to smithereens, bore no fruit. Prospects of spending this festive season alone and single, are now very real with the only company remaining by his side being the bottle. Being dumped has, however, made him philosophical.

“I’m a victim of having guts; I dared try something not many men would even contemplate,” he observes. “I will die alone, but I will go to my grave knowing that I was brave!”