When the writing is on the wall, run!

By SHIRLEY GENGA

KENYA: The other day, I was out with a friend for lunch. He  kept whining about how he could not get rid of his latest catch.

He claimed the woman had moved into his house uninvited and that he did not know how to get rid of her.

That he had done everything possible under the sun; stayed out late; slept out; not eaten her food; ignored her and generally not been a very gracious host. But for some reason, he could not understand why she had not left.

But when I asked him if he had verbalised to the woman that he did not want her around and that it was over, he smiled sheepishly! 

Relationship is over

Yes, breaking up is never an easy thing, but some men act like they would rather face a lion any day than to tell a woman that the relationship is over. So they will often take the cowardly way out.

They act out hoping that the woman in question realises for herself that she is no longer wanted and leaves on her own, saving them from having to do the dirty work.

All because it is too hard to open ones mouth and say the words: “It is over.” 

The number of times I have heard tales where men choose to remain in a relationship, which they left two years ago all because they cannot verbalise that it is over, is astounding.

And as much as it pains me to admit it, too many otherwise intelligent women, spend too much time going round circles.

They excuse, explain and rationalise almost perfectly transparent male behaviour that can only mean one thing — it is over. This can mostly be explained by the fact that women are communicators. We talk, so often, unless we hear that we are not wanted.  

Generally, women can endure pretty much everything (not me though). And while not all men cower away from simply verbalising that a relationship is over, majority do. And so it’s wise for a woman to adopt and become astute in reading the —“I am done with you” cues. Back in my primary school days, I never really liked Kiswahili, I was more into GHC, CRE and maybe English, but what I remember about the subject was the Methali (sayings), which I like because they often seemed very cryptic.

I had a list of my favourite Methali, which I always infused into insha (composition) just to add that extra punch, but the one that particularly stood out for me was akufukuzaye hakuambii enda.    

Professing

Simple, yet so true! Men speak loudest with actions. It does not matter if he is professing his love to you and asking when he can meet your parents.

You do not have to wait if he does the following; sends confusing signals, takes him longer than 24 hours to return your calls, or visits late at night.

Or drinks too much, he’s too busy, sleeps out a lot and his friends are more important than you. Or cheats, you pay for everything, he does not believe in marriage, your wedding date keeps changing, he emotionally or physically abuses you.

You do not have to wait for it to rain popcorns or for the damn skies to open because  akufukuzaye hakuambii enda!