Guitarist quits church for spiritual nourishment at a bar

By MURIMI MWANGI

KIRINYAGA, KENYA: Barely a month after Crazy Monday reported that a church pianist from Kagumo town in Kirinyaga County eloped with the pastor’s daughter; another church instrumentalist from the area has hit the headline for ditching the word of God for booze.

The talented bass guitarist from an evangelical church shocked residents, after he skipped church only later to be discovered to have spend his day enjoying a tipple at a wines and spirits bar.

The guitarist, famous among the church congregates for his unique guitar ‘pinching’ skills, had been an adherent of the church for more than five years, prior to his unceremonious fallout with the service of Christ.

Brilliant

It was an open secret that the instrumentalist was brilliant with the guitar, and in his unique plucking of the wires, created tunes that kept the congregation on their feet.

The guitarist had had a vigorous training session with choir members at the church the previous day, which he termed ‘a mere warm up’ and promised ‘fireworks’ the following day — Sunday. He left the church that evening with his guitar, perhaps to do more practice at home, as he always did to keep his skills in check.

The guitarist missed church and choir members couldn’t reach him on his mobile phone. Nobody knew what he had up his sleeve, until later that night when the dull village was awoken by a tune of the guitar they knew too well, but accompanied by a husky out-of-tune singing of a famous kikuyu song, “Nengereria Kane (Hand me the Kane Extra — beer brand)”.

The drunken and off-key singing shocked many because the sound of the voice — albeit skewed — was so similar to that they had always associated with the bass guitar maestro.

However, the singing was just a tip of the iceberg.

Things got interesting when he declared how happy he was feeling. He wondered loud how much he had been missing as a teetotaler. He crowned it all by giving lengthy lectures on how alcohol in necessary for digestion.

Rapturous

“Korwo niguo ndingitura ngenete uguo ona Mwathani agicoka Ndingimenya (If I was to be happy like this all the time, I would not even realise when Jesus returns),” he said, before bursting into a rapturous laughter.

“I am high on spirits. I did not steal, neither have I ever insulted anybody or eaten a stolen goat. And once I get home, I will sleep like a baby,” he announced, in a shaky drunken voice.

A member of the church, recognising his voice, woke up and approached the gibbering guitarist, perhaps hoping he could exorcise the evil spirit that had possessed him, but on arrival, he was greeted by a rude shock.

“Ndugu, is that you? I wish you knew how much joy today’s discovery brings to me,” he said. The guitarist proceeded and told off the parishioner to leave him alone for it was a personal choice he had made.