Dating: Hunter becomes the hunted

BY SHIRLEY GENGA.

A new brand of women are so daring that they have no qualms picking random men to quench their bodily urges and dumping them, writes SHIRLEY GENGA.

Ordinarily, making the first move to members of the opposite gender has always been the prerogative of men, but not any more. Liberated women on the prowl have become so bold that they get what they want at will, using all means necessary. Including making the first moves, picking men in bars for one night stands and using other cunning tricks— formerly associated with males — to get men.    

Thomas is a 26-year-old gym instructor. On one Friday night, a few weeks ago, he had gone out with fellow gym freaks to have a good time, but instead found himself in what he calls an ‘awkward situation’.

Hangout

“While we were enjoying our drinks, a relatively older woman and two of her friends requested to join our table, and even offered to pay for our drinks. All dressed elegantly, and at first my friends and I thought it was strange that they wanted to hangout with us because, clearly, they had more money than us.

“Together, we partied until late in the night. But the shocker came in when one of them singled me out requested to drop me home,” narrates Thomas.

He claims, being a man, he couldn’t resist the offer. Along the way, being tipsy, a not-so-sober conversation about his bulging muscles and toned-up body ensued. They, first, went to her place where she was very bold about what she wanted from him —a proper thrill. Once she was done with him, she did not let him sleep over; instead she drove him to town and gave him cab money.

All she wanted

Further, according to Thomas, she did not even take his number or any personal information; she just got all she wanted and ran — like a man.

“I was in shock for a while after she dropped me, I could not believe that she had just chips fungad me! I could not believe that it happened to me,” adds Thomas, giggling.

Social trends show that women are today liberated and independent, and thus they have become proactive on the dating scene.  Thomas, however, justifies the woman’s action by claiming that, times when a woman would not dare let a man know that she had any interest in him are long gone.  James Oungu, 37, a relatively conservative family man, is disappointed with the current trend of daring women who pick men and use them.

“ What happened to good old days when a woman would lead a man on an intricate emotional and financial chase, relenting after she had gotten his absolute commitment and love?” poses James.

 

Liberation

He asserts that when you fast-forward to today; you realise the game has changed and women are much bolder and wilder.

“They smoke like chimneys, curse like sailors, outdrink men, stay out all night like men, and hunt down their prey just as aggressively as any man out there,” he opines.

Maryanne Wambui says that when the female liberation began it was about giving women direct ontrol of resources themselves.

“The unfortunate bit about this whole women liberation thing is that women have been allowed to enter the traditional male arena,” says Wambui.

She adds that women, too, were given a platform to try and compete with men at their own game. She further asserts that when the supposed sexual revolution mantra is thrown in the mix, we’ve ended up with women who are more aggressive and never shy about their needs.

As a result, poor unsuspecting men are finding themselves used — and abused — by women to meet sexual needs only to be spit out immediately after, before they even know what hit them.

Thomas is not alone. Cliff, 35, an accountant, also found himself almost sausage fungwad (picked) by a woman he met at a bar.

“Two weeks ago, on a Saturday, I went to my usual local to have a drink. Two women requested to keep me company. At first I thought they were the types who like being bought drinks, but I was wrong.  “They, surprisingly, offered to buy me drinks. But hey, who doesn’t like free drinks? Of course, I welcomed the offer. We had our drinks and engaged in conversation until around midnight,” says Cliff.

Senior bachelor

When he got up to leave, he further claims that one of the women jokingly offered to cook him a delicious meal, and drop him home, afterwards. Cliff, being a senior bachelor, agreed without reading too much into the offer.

“When we got to her place instead of cooking, she gave me a tour of her beautiful house, a tour that obviously ended in her bedroom. While I was busy ogling at the intricate and beautiful architecture, she began to playfully striptease right in front of me.

“I was so shocked how this woman, who barely knew my name, was so brave not to imagine that I could have been a criminal, became so forward with her agenda. When I recovered from my initial shock, I ran out of the bedroom and out of the house without looking back,” says Cliff.  George, a writer, says he does not quite understand what went wrong with the now overly aggressive Kenyan women, who at some point were so conservative, reserved and only hinted their desires and needs.

“Women these days are shockingly aggressive. The other day, a Germany-based friend of mine visited Kenya and was in shock when we went out for drinks.  “He could not believe how shameless and aggressive women were. The night we went out with him he was hit on by a couple of women, it was embarrassing,” says George.

Aggressive

He also claims to having been propositioned to  by many women, from whom all he wanted was to have drinks with and make friends —nothing more. Being a married man, he tried his best to ward them off, but with little success.  Fred, a doctor, on the other hand does not mind aggressive women.

“I like it when a woman chases after me, and knows exactly what she wants from me. I get bored chasing after a woman who constantly plays hard to get. It is best when both parties know what they want and none is shy to ask,” explains Fred.

Choices

 Nelly, a businesswoman, also does not understand why women get a backlash when they become the hunters on the dating scene. That women today are more liberated and there’s no crime in going for what they want.

“Things have changed, women have more choices, and thus, they have the opportunity to go after what they want; be it good education or top paying jobs. Why not a man they like? Women have the opportunity to go after the man they want, whether it is for a one night ‘pleasure’ or a full-blown relationship,” says Nelly.

Men these days, she adds, do not want to take on the steering wheel, and if you wait for them to make the first move — which may never happen, anyway — you might for too long and miss out on the small pleasures of this world!

You can blame it on exposure to foreign cultures through TV programmes such as Sex  in the City, Girls or soap operas, but how men and women relate in regard to intimate relationships has drastically changed.

Whether it is for the good or bad, only time will tell.